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Vintage Marsala

C is For Carrot Not Cookie

by K.L. Marsala
Monday, April 18, 2005

Due to the epidemic of overweight, oversized, overlarge, big, chubby, obese, plump, fat and portly children Sesame Street has taken Cookie Monster’s cookies away and will be soliciting healthier eating habits to our "fluffy" children. 

Bring in C is for Carrots and that’s good enough for me!  However, hold the ranch dip because I think it might enlarge my furry hips and expand my blue girth.

Moreover, why we are at remaking Cookie Monster--please let us help Cookie monster stop saying--"Me love cookies" it is--I love cookies.   Where are the grammar police?  (Oh, I forgot they only love to criticize those that lean to the conservative side and their lousy ability to be grammatically correct).

When did it become the entertainment mecca’s job to go from the genre of education through entertainment- filled with sweet, delicious fun and singing raucously, "C is for cookie and that’s good enough for me,"--to changing the tunes words to, "cookies are a sometime food?"

I would like to understand something, when the entertainment industry is criticized by the conservative side for their over use of violence, drugs and sex references in their shows- the conservatives are told to mind their own business and stop being the morality police, right?  However, if opposition is brought up to leave a forever monster of five, who loves his cookies, to be left alone and parents are to be responsible for their children’s development of healthy living we are wrong and evil for stopping them from doing their socialistic jobs of protecting the children.  It’s all for the children- you know… 

Either way, whether we are talking about controlling the remote control, purchasing music or how many cookies to eat- ultimately it is supposed to be the parent’s job to control these family issues.  Nevertheless, doesn’t violence against others seem to be a trifle more expedient to make statements over than the curbing of eating too many cookies?  I don’t know…maybe cookies are more dangerous than screaming ludicrous sounding words of hatred, encouraging the rape of women and killing cops.

Heck, I want my C, my Cookie Monster and my song- darn it!  As kids, we grew up watching Sesame Street and loved that adorably silly blue Cookie Monster.  His devouring of cookies, with a voracious appetite, made us all giggle and remember that the letter C was for Cookie!  As kids, we enjoyed eating our cookies like Cookie Monster and we would practice our C skills by biting our cookies in the middle- just so they would look like the letter C.

I am not against healthy eating habits and promoting exercise.  The fat butts waddling down main street America need less carbs and more exercise- but teaching our children to enjoy themselves and indulge in sweets moderately is a parent’s job- not Cookie Monsters.  Cookie Monster’s job for years has been to help kids remember the letter C and Cookie Monster accomplished this feat in a completely unabashed innocent way. Can’t our children enjoy being children?  Why does everything have to be so freakin' politically correct?  What happened to just savoring the moment of complete freedom to enjoy a good ol’-fashioned cookie?

 (With an icy cold glass of whole milk… ewwww too much fat)

What has happened to our society?  Have parents of these over-sized children forgotten how to teach proper eating habits and how to maintain regular exercise? Are we just too busy to instruct our children that constantly eating only high fat foods will increase their waists?  We don’t have enough parental involvement with our children so we need to revamp Cookie Monster to parent our children into being healthier specimens.

Now we need a Cookie Monster representative… I mean Carrot Monster representative to tell our children that cookies are only a sometimes food.  Isn’t Cookie Monster, with those big wiggly eyes, the offering of a truly adorable child who has abandoned all structure to enjoy life’s chocolate chip cookies?

With Cookie Monster, now only being allowed his main staple of dining on cookies to be a "sometimes" event- will the food police in the entertainment industry be after Pillsbury Dough Boy to tone up and cut the cinnamon rolls?  On the other hand, will Christopher Robin be forced to take away Winnie the Pooh's honey jars and put him on Atkins? 

By the way I am confused… if you read some health reports we have statistic reports being released that our children are being so bombarded with being thin that bulimia and anorexia are out of control amongst both boys and girls.  If Cookie Monster is going to be the spokesmonster and begin the indoctrination process starting at the age of infancy- what will our poor confused children of the future become?  Will their disorders be starvation related or obesity related?  Either way they’re headed for problems.

I have a solution to all this mess.  How about the parents just take back control over their families.  Wow, what a concept.  Parents need to be parents.  Stop letting little jr. be the captain of the ship and you tell him to take his hand out of the cookie jar.  Children can’t handle themselves because they haven’t the experiences of life to form opinions and good judgments yet.  Yes, society needs to lend its kind and helpful hand, but whether we are talking of eating disorders, too much violence being watched, lack of exercise or whatever… it’s the parents job to give the structure needed to their little crumb crunching, curtain climbing, yard apes…(a.k.a children).

 Leave the Cookie Monster alone, he epitomizes the innocence and unabashed childlike freedom to love and enjoy all of life’s cookies.

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