John Kerry, Iraq, Military
U.S. Invades South Korea:
President Kerry: I said North Korea
By Arthur Weinreb
Thursday, November 2, 2006
WASHINGTON -- U.S. military forces launched an aerial assault on Seoul while thousands of ground troops made their way to the South Korean capital.
Emerging from the Oval Office where the Commander-in-Chief received a Purple Heart for a paper cut suffered while signing an Executive Order, President Kerry was asked why he ordered the South Korean invasion. The president responded, "They have nuclear weapons that are now capable of reaching Aspen, Colorado. There are some things in this country that are worth protecting." When it was pointed out to him that North Korea is the country with nuclear capabilities, not South Korea, a visibly angry Kerry said, "It's not my fault; it's the fault of those kindergarten dropout rapists and baby-killers in the military. They attacked the wrong country. These guys are so dumb they end up marrying women who can't even afford to own a bottle of ketchup". Pulling out a picture of U.S. troops in Iraq holding a banner that reads "HALP US JON CARRY -- WE R STUCK HEAR N IRAK", the president added, "they can't even spell; it's not my fault; I didn't order an attack on South Korea; I'm too smart to make a mistake, I'M JOHN KERRY".
When it was pointed out to Kerry that he was the President of the United States and the Commander-in-Chief and the buck stops with him, the questioner received a harsh rebuke. "Don't you know history? The buck doesn't stop with me; it stops with Harry Truman. And I'm not Harry Truman, I'M JOHN KERRY".
When Kerry was asked whether there was any possible justification for invading South Korea, Kerry said, "You're asking me that question because you're too lazy to go out and find the reasons. You must be a veteran. If you really want to know the justification for attacking South Korea, turn on MSNBC and watch Chris Matthews. Chris knows why invading South Korea was a good idea."
Kerry later telephoned Roh Moo-Hyun and blamed the South Korean president for the attack. "I thought you people were smart; you look so much like those really intelligent Vietcong. What kind of idiot has a country that sounds so much like another country? Not only that, but the other country is just next door. I would never do that; I'M JOHN KERRY."
And when the death toll in South Korea topped the 10,000 mark, Kerry finally issued an apology. "I am sorry if I offended anyone who was killed as a result of this botched war".
Arthur Weinreb is an author, columnist and Associate Editor of Canada Free Press. His work has appeared on Newsmax.com, Men's News Daily, Drudge Report, Foxnews.com, Glenn Beck and The Rant. Arthur can be reached at: firstname.lastname@example.org