15 Things I Learned About the Tea Party From Occupy Wall Street

It has been a challenge to compare the Occupy Wall Street entrenchment to the Tea Party movement due to sporadic, biased, and negative coverage of Occupy Wall Street by the mainstream/liberal media. The mainstream/liberal media have demonstrated with their history of affectionate and tender coverage of Tea Party rallies that they are sycophantic water carriers for the Tea Party, the GOP, and conservatives.

It took a world-class teleprompter reader, the most intelligent President ever, and the greatest uniter in the history of the universe to make manifest the similarities between the Tea Party and the Occupy Wall Street syndicate. Barack Obama's teleprompter connected the affiliation of an ever-increasing pack of feral vagabonds and a well-organized and civil political movement with the insight and aplomb of a Greek Sophist: "I understand the frustrations being expressed in those protests. In some ways, they're not that different from some of the protests that we saw coming from the Tea Party." But Obama is not alone with his affection regarding the Occupy Wall Street syndicate and its annihilative swath of destruction of city parks, local businesses, local homeowners, and general civility. Like maggots to rotting flesh, the various cankers of the Democratic Party have scampered to be the first to endorse the Occupy Wall Street syndicate. No organized or unorganized dynamism of unadulterated imbecility and chaos would be legitimate without an endorsement from Nancy Pelosi. Then there are the endorsements of the usual suspects of anarchy, chaos, and American degeneration: American Nazi Party, the Communist Party U.S.A., the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee, and a hodgepodge of Democratic politicians grasping for the opportunity of political expediency at the expense of decency.

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Where might this assemblage of intellectually deplete vagrants have procured their foundation and moral and intellectual compass? The Matriarch of Mayhem, the Beelzebub of Communism, the Pedagogue of Obtuseness at Harvard Law, and the Democratic Senate candidate from Massachusetts, Elizabeth Warren. Warren claims responsibility for the spawning of Occupy Wall Street: "I created much of the intellectual foundation for what they do. I support what they do." The participators in Occupy Wall Street are a formidable lot, as they represent 99% of the 300,000,000 people of these United States, or 297,000,000 to be exact. For an equitable and balanced postulation of what is representative of the Occupy Wall Street syndicate, and by proxy 99% of the United States, and thus representative of the Tea Party per our President, an exact and accurate calculus must be employed. Since the genetic make-up of Occupy Wall Street is liberal, the employment of the Democrat's litmus test for determining what represents the make-up of a conservative group is imperative. Example: All Tea Party members are serial racists if one sign supporting racism could found at a rally of thousands; the lack of racial diversity at a Tea Party rally is empirical evidence of institutional racism; and when three members of an audience of 3,500 boo a gay soldier for asking about "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" at a Republican debate, the entire audience of 3,500 are irrefutably anti-gay and anti-military. Without further ado, I present 15 things I have learned about the Tea Party from Occupy Wall Street: 1. The Tea Party and 99% of America will sell you heroin, crack, cocaine, marijuana, and any other illegal narcotic of your pleasure. Channing Kehoe, Occupier, spoke of the drugs, sexual assaults, and rapes among the occupiers in Zuccotti Park: "We're trying to figure out what to do about the drugs." A multitasking felon selling drugs and creating mayhem beyond the allowable level of mayhem at Occupy Wall Street was arrested for selling cocaine and punching a couple of women. A tent invader and Occupier, Garfield Leslie, was arrested for trying to sell baggies of cocaine to the occupants of a tent he decided to occupy at Occupy Wall Street. At Occupy Boston, two occupiers were arrested by undercover police for selling them heroin. An interview of one of the Occupy Wall Street lamsters from the New York Post:

"I got warrants. I'm running from the law," boasted Dave, 24, a scrawny, unshaven miscreant in filthy clothes from Stamford, Conn. "I'm not even supposed to be here, but it's as good a spot as any to hide."

Wanted for burglary, the drug-addled fugitive said some of his hard-partying pals clued him in that the protest was a good place to be fed, get wasted, and crash.

"I've been smoking and drinking in here for eight days now," said Dave, booze on his breath and his eyes bloodshot as he lay sprawled on a tattered sheet of cardboard. "I need to get some methadone. Every day, I wake up, and I'm f--ked up."

Dave Park from Stamford was arrested Monday by New York City police on charges of allegedly groping a woman at the protests, according to the New York Post. This is supported by the American Nazi Party, Communist Party U.S.A., the Democratic Party, and Barack Obama. 2. The Tea Party and 99% of America are racist. The Tea Party's lack of racial diversity and the perceived element of racism at the Tea Party rallies is empirical evidence all involved are racists. With just a perfunctory observation of video and photos of the illiberal pasty white Occupy Wall Street xenophobes, racism is conclusively rampant within their ranks. This is supported by the American Nazi Party, Communist Party U.S.A., the Democratic Party, and Barack Obama. 4. The Tea Party and 99% of America will shoot a white #. At Occupy Oakland, KGO-TV reporter Amy Hollyfield, white #, was threatened by a rare and spontaneous racially diverse pistoleer, with assumed accomplices, who threatened, "We shoot white bitches like you around here." Reported by various Bay Area news outlets, Occupy Oakland had descended into rat-infested squalor with complaints of vandalism, public urination, sexual harassment, sex in public, and of course the shooting of white bitches. This is supported by the American Nazi Party, Communist Party U.S.A., the Democratic Party, and Barack Obama. 5. The Tea Party and 99% of Americans will smell your girlfriend's, wife's, or sister's feet if the aromatic appendage is exposed, and toast their olfactory exploits with a snifter of urine. At Occupy Toronto (apparently they are part of the 99% also), a man was arrested for smelling a woman's feet without invitation. Then, after a cursory groping of the Occupied woman, he invited all to toast his exploits by throwing back a shot of urine. This is supported by the American Nazi Party, Communist Party U.S.A., the Democratic Party, and Barack Obama. 6. The Tea Party and 99% of Americans will rape your wife, sister, girlfriend, or young daughter if forced to share an Occupied tent. A 19-year-old Occupy Cleveland protester was raped in her tent after being directed by the overseers of Occupy Cleveland to allow cohabitation of her tent with a strange man calling himself "Leland." Also, a 24-year-old convicted sex offender, and representative of 99% of Americans, was arrested for raping a 14-year-old girl at Occupy Dallas. This is supported by the American Nazi Party, Communist Party U.S.A., the Democratic Party, and Barack Obama. 7. The Tea Party and 99% of Americans will rob you blind if given half a chance. Something so bizarre it rivals H.G. Wells' imagination has happened within the confines of the Occupy Wall Street colonization. An unsavory gang of fellow protestors, who are representative of 99% of America, have been stealing cameras, laptop computers, mobile phones, food, and piles of cash. Nan Terrie, 18, kitchen worker/legal-team juggler stated, "Stealing is our biggest problem at the moment. I had my Mac stolen-that was like $5,500. Every night, something else is gone." This is supported by the American Nazi Party, Communist Party U.S.A., the Democratic Party, and Barack Obama. 8. The Tea Party and 99% of Americans filled local jails during the Tea Party rallies. Occupy gangsters are being arrested in ever increasing numbers in each city they are menacing as their behavior is increasingly becoming more aggressive, and clashes against local law enforcement have reached riot levels in Oakland. This is supported by the American Nazi Party, Communist Party U.S.A., the Democratic Party, and Barack Obama. 9. The Tea Party and 99% of Americans will poop and urinate on your doorstep, then taunt you as you leave for work. The arrogant and productive members of society living near Occupy Wall Street, the gainfully employed, homeowners, who eschew the colonizing of public parks, are greeted with urine and feces on their doorsteps each morning, then harangued as they leave for work. Catherine Hughes, conventional human, lives one block from Zuccotti Park: "They are defecating on our doorsteps. A lot of people are very frustrated. A lot of people are concerned about the safety of our kids." James Fernandez, gainfully employed, stated, "The protesters taunt people who are on their way to work." This is supported by the American Nazi Party, Communist Party U.S.A., the Democratic Party, and Barack Obama. 10. The Tea Party and 99% of Americans will shoot to kill any government agent who violates their rights. Copies of an Occupy assassin's manifesto encouraging occupiers to kill police were distributed to the anarchists at Occupy Phoenix as they colonized Cesar Chavez Park, according to a Maricopa County Sheriff's Deputy. The assassin's manifesto encouraged the killing of any government agent who violates their rights for the following breeches: illegal search and seizure, sobriety and border checkpoints, airport security, and various other human rights violations. And to the northeast, a young female agent of civility occupying Grand Rapids held a sign proclaiming, "The Only Good Cop Is A Dead Cop." This is supported by the American Nazi Party, Communist Party U.S.A., the Democratic Party, and Barack Obama. 11. The Tea Party and 99% of America will pimp your adolescent daughter out for prostitution. At Occupy New Hampshire, Justina Jensen, Occupier and pimp, was charged with felony prostitution. Jensen met her promising teenage employee, "Jewel," wandering the Occupy encampment. Occupier Justina, aka "Remy," made arrangements with "Mad Mike" via the internets to "come have fun with four beautiful ladies "for $150. Unfortunately, "Mad Mike" was an undercover police officer, "Jewel" is sixteen years old, and Occupier Justina is incarcerated. This is supported by the American Nazi Party, Communist Party U.S.A., the Democratic Party, and Barack Obama. 12. The Tea Party and 99% of America have created their own 1% within the 99%. The 1% of the 99% now have their very own Big Bankers controlling the 99% of the 99%'s money. Occupy Wall Street's Finance Committee, aka Occupy Big Banker, has tyrannical control of $500,000 of the 99% of the 99%'s money, and the cash continues to roll in. But as Big Bankers often do, Occupy Big Banker has an innate reluctance to share the wealth. Tempers are erupting from the 99% of the 99%. The drummers are in a high state of agitation because they can't get funds from the Occupy Big Bank to replace their drums that were stolen by the other 99% of the 99%. The drummers are threatening to splinter off into a yet calculated percent of the 99%. Bryan Smith, Occupier, had not so kind words for the Occupy Big Bank: "# finance. I hope Mayor Bloomberg gets an injunction and demands to see the movement's books. We need to know how much money we really have and where it's going. The other day, I took in $2,000. I kept $650 for my group, and gave the rest to Finance. Then I went to them with a request -- so many people need things, and they should not be going without basic comfort items -- and I was told to fill out paperwork. Paperwork! Are they the government now?" This is supported by the American Nazi Party, Communist Party U.S.A., the Democratic Party, and Barack Obama 13. The Jesus of the Tea Party and 99% of Americans would support the Occupy Wall Street occupation. "What would Jesus think of Occupy Wall Street?" Lisa Miller of the Washington Post asked herself. "Jesus would have sympathy, I think, with the campers' efforts to keep a small space sanitary in the absence of modern plumbing. Thus, he might have sympathy for the various causes espoused by the campers (end hydrofracking, tax the rich, support the unions, cap executive pay)." Marisa Egerstrom, a graduate student at Harvard University, stated that if the Jesus of history could wander the precincts held by the occupiers and witnessed the rapes, smelling of feet, stealing, child prostitution, money changers, drug dealing, killing of police, pooping and urinating on doorsteps, booing of the employed, racism, and anti-Semitism, "He'd see his people. I think he would be pretty pleased." This is supported by the American Nazi Party, Communist Party U.S.A., the Democratic Party, and Barack Obama 14. The Tea Party and 99% of Americans want the Jews run out of America. Patricia McAllister, anti-Semite and Occupier, an employee of the Los Angeles Unified School District, stated, "I think that the Zionist Jews, who are running these big banks and our Federal Reserve, which is not run by the federal government . . . they need to be run out of this country." An Occupier who represents 99% of America chanted, "Jews control Wall Street," while holding a sign that read, "Hitler's Bankers - Wall St." One Jewish passerby sporting a yarmulke was shouted at, "You're a bum, Jew. Jewish money controls American politics. Gaza Supports The Occupation of Wall Street." This is supported by the American Nazi Party, Communist Party U.S.A., the Democratic Party, and Barack Obama. 15. The Tea Party and 99% of Americans are infected with STDs. Nearby health clinics have standing room only with protesters being tested for STDs and HIV after copious sexual congress with anything willing, and according to arrest records, anything unwilling, to partake in the swapping of viruses and various bacteria. Occupiers manning the medical tent doled out $15 to $20 so those challenged with infected plumbing could be treated at nearby clinics for low income chaste challenged patrons. This is supported by the American Nazi Party, Communist Party U.S.A., the Democratic Party, and Barack Obama. I cannot speak with experience as one of the 99%, as I am of the 1% elitist these 99% so vehemently want to destroy. I am a member of the 1% by virtue of the defining criteria of what constitutes a member of the 99%: I unfortunately missed the fortuitous opportunity of merchandising heroin, crack, cocaine, marijuana, and various other felonious pharmaceuticals; I am pretty certain I am not a racist; to the best of my recollection, have never, nor do I intend to shoot a white #; I have never partaken in the sniffing of a strange or known woman's feet for gratification, and have certainly never toasted such an adventure with a glass of urine; I generally avoid raping; I can't recollect ever robbing anyone; I have never had the pleasure of occupying a jail; if at all possible, I generally try to abstain from pooping on strangers' doorsteps; I am not in a habit of jeering the employed as they trek to work; the thought of shooting a police officer when asked to show my driver's license and insurance at a traffic stop has never really crossed my mind; I have never considered pimping adolescent girls as a vocation; I've never really put much thought into running all the Jews out of America; I generally do not become infected with STDs from wanton sex with unproductive strangers as a form of recreation; and I am pretty certain that the Jesus of the Bible would not approve of the aforementioned human retrogression. I am also disqualified from the 99% club due to the severity of my handicap of believing that if someone has more than me, if I want what they have, I should work harder and smarter to achieve it. But these Occupiers would rather expend their energy with gnashing their teeth and wringing their hands about their station in life, and devising communistic methods of taking from those who have what they are either too lazy or incapable of accomplishing on their own.