Ohio, Virginia, West Virginia, Kentucky Coal Miners About to Vote Themselves Out of a Job
Obama to Coal Miners: “McDonalds is Hiring!”
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- Another Hugh Betcha Exclusive
Obama, the first President in history to declare war on the coal industry and who vowed to put the industry out of business, was curiously confident that every union coal miner would vote for him in the upcoming Presidential election—despite the fact that in doing so, they were putting themselves out of a job.
And Hugh Betcha, Ace Reporter and winner of MSNBC’s “Most Honest Reporter in America” award, 2012 was there. Hugh, the Head of the Stoos Views Media Conglomerate Natural Resources Bureau, and old friend of the President, and a reporter who enjoys special access to all branches of government, pulled no punches. As Obama sneaked his daily Marlboro inside the Oval Office, Hugh inquired of the President as to his chances of retaining the union coal miners’ vote in the upcoming election.
“Didn’t you promise to bankrupt the coal mining industry after you were elected President?” Hugh asked.
“Well, yes I did suggest that if you planned to start a coal fired energy plant in America you would find it hard to obtain a license or, if you did, you could not afford the cost of the EPA regulations we have imposed on the coal industry,” the President responded.
“You mean the extra scrubbers you are requiring of each coal fired plant—which will cost the industry over $180 billion in the next twenty years and is designed to put them all out of business?”
“Yes, we want to clean up this dirty industry and clean the air above our country.”
“Well, what about the dirty air wafting over the United States from China—where they are building a coal fired energy plant once a week and have no regulations?” Hugh asked pointedly.
“I cannot control what the Chinese do of course and since we owe them trillions we are not in much of a position to argue with them. The best I can do is put our own coal industry out of business and thereby clean the air—if only briefly until the Chinese smog drifts over.”
“Then how do you suggest we light our homes and businesses and generate the power necessary to run the world’s biggest economy?”
“Simple. We eliminate the coal industry and people will be forced to use alternate energy sources—you know.”
“—Such as fermented chicken manure—makes great ethanol. Or fermented pond scum—another proven source of energy. Or windmills….”
“You mean windmills, as in the windmills which supply less than 1 percent of our energy needs now?”
“Yes of course. And nuclear power plants.”
“You mean the ones that generate nuclear waste which no one wants in their state?”
“Yes we have to work on that. Considering shooting that stuff to the moon.”
“And what of the impact of your war on coal upon the union miners in Ohio, Virginia, West Virginia, and Kentucky, among others—what of them? You are condemning them to joblessness.”
“No worries,” the President responded, smiling smugly. “The unions love me—all the miners will vote for me anyway—even without jobs. They realize there is a more important goal here than merely feeding their families—“
“My re-election of course!”
“What then do you tell the miners, given the fact that hundreds of coal companies have gone out of business due to your War on Coal and thousands of miners in Ohio, West Virginia, Virginia, Kentucky and elsewhere have lost or will lose their jobs because of it?”
“McDonalds is hiring. Sure they may be flipping burgers, but they will be happy knowing that the air is a bit cleaner and that I am President for another four years.”
© 2012 William Kevin Stoos