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Eisenia fetida, the lowly earthworm has just been elevated to climate change villain - one of the worst kind. New research has found the true cause of climate change. Them slimy critters have to be stopped in their tracks – forthwith!
Word has just been received that fetida and its brethren may be involved in a global conspiracy. Readers are advised to take all possible precautions. Avoid breathing in natural air as it could be contaminated with fetida’s emanations. When you shop for air, make sure to ask for clean, synthetic, government-approved air only.
As the IPCC afficionados have been preaching for many years now, carbon dioxide (CO2) is the global climate villain par excellence; in fact there are Interpol warrants outstanding for it in many countries. Now, new research published this week in the renowned journal Nature Climate Change (doi:10.1038/nclimate1692) states "Earthworms play an essential part in determining the greenhouse-gas balance of soils worldwide, and their influence is expected to grow over the next decades."
What more needs to be said?
Mankind has finally found the true enemy, hiding underground.
Action to Take
Immediately search your property for the presence of any worms. Do not try to remove them. Simply report any sightings to the next EPA office; see your directory for phone numbers or contact them at @epa-worms for help.