WhatFinger


Which, of course you all knew, since you only pretended to think otherwise so you could get high without the pigs harshing your mellow.

Sorry, stoners: New study shows 'medical' marijuana doesn't actually help with anything



Honestly, if you ever believed the nonsense that marijuana was "medicine," you probably don't have the brain capacity to process the information I'm about to give you. Then again, there's dumb and there's willfully delusional. You can have the ability to know better, but choose to embrace nonsense anyway because you want so desperately to get high. I'd say that still makes you an idiot. Just that you're an idiot by choice. At any rate, you know that "medical" marijuana was sold as something desperately needed by the old and the sick suffering from cataracts and glaucoma. In reality, most of the cards approved by doctors go to 25-year-old dumbasses who claim to be suffering from "chronic pain" and "headaches." The doctors know it's a scam too, but they don't care. They figure the public is sufficiently sold on this scam, and many of them probably like to get high too.
But it was only a matter of time before someone actually looked into whether marijuana can function as a medicine. And . . . uh oh:
Medical marijuana has not been proven to work for many illnesses that state laws have approved it for, according to the first comprehensive analysis of research on its potential benefits. The strongest evidence is for chronic pain and for muscle stiffness in multiple sclerosis, according to the review, which evaluated 79 studies involving more than 6,000 patients. Evidence was weak for many other conditions, including anxiety, sleep disorders, and Tourette's syndrome and the authors recommend more research. The analysis is among several medical marijuana articles published Tuesday in the Journal of the American Medical Association. They include a small study suggesting that many brand labels for edible marijuana products list inaccurate amounts of active ingredients. More than half of brands tested had much lower amounts than labeled, meaning users might get no effect. Highlights from the journal: THE ANALYSIS

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The researchers pooled results from studies that tested marijuana against placebos, usual care or no treatment. That's the most rigorous kind of research but many studies found no conclusive evidence of any benefit. Side effects were common and included dizziness, dry mouth and sleepiness. A less extensive research review in the journal found similar results. It's possible medical marijuana could have widespread benefits, but strong evidence from high-quality studies is lacking, authors of both articles say.
But wait, you say. There is evidence it works for "chronic pain"! The study says so! Of course it does. The same morons who claimed to have "chronic pain" - which no one can prove or disprove - now claim the pot is making them feel better. In the meantime, when it comes to real, clinically recognized conditions, it does little or nothing to help. That's because it's not medicine. And by the way, you know I've long argued that if stoners really want marijuana to be seen as "medicine," they should let it go through the rigors of FDA testing like every legitimate pharmaceutical product. That's when they always start railing against the corruption of the FDA and so on. Why do they do that? Because they always knew that if anyone ever really tested it, they would find what this study found. It's not medicine. It does nothing. This was all a scam from the beginning. And you can save your anecdotal retorts because I don't believe a single one of you. You'll say whatever you think you need to say so you can keep smoking weed, and you really should think about how pathetic that makes you.


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Dan Calabrese -- Bio and Archives

Dan Calabrese’s column is distributed by HermanCain.com, which can be found at HermanCain

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