One of the most mindless platitudes you hear during every election season is the one that urges everyone to be sure to vote, no matter what, because the system only works if you vote or whatever.
Actually, the system works fine with lots of people not voting every year. And it would work better if a lot more people joined them in not voting.
So I'd like to offer some of you the chance to save a little time today, and save the rest of us the consequences of your having joined in the decision-making that will affect our nation's future.
If you pay little attention to news about our government and its policies, please don't vote. You're the type of person who is easily manipulated by ads, media propaganda and other things unrelated to good governance.
If you mainly get your news from The Today Show or Good Morning America, please don't vote. Everything you "know" is wrong.
If you mainly get your news from Trevor Noah, Samantha Bee or John Oliver, please don't vote. Those are comedy shows, you fool. And they're not even funny. At least when Jon Stewart was around, he was funny. These slugs are nothing but insufferable bores.
If you resent the success of other people and think their success is the reason you're failing in life, please don't vote. That type of resentment will lead you to support politicians who engage in legalized robbery. That doesn't do a thing to help you, despite their promises, and it causes all kinds of problems for the rest of us.
If you find yourself trying to decide which candidate you like personally, rather than who can govern the nation effectively, please don't vote. That's irrelevant. Oh, and it does you no good to like the president personally because it will be entirely unrequited. The president will never meet or hang out with you, let alone like you.
If you intend to vote based on the race or gender of the candidate, one way or the other, please don't vote. That's a stupid reason.
If you're looking for the politician who can make your life better, please don't vote. You make your life better.
If you find yourself influenced in any way by what celebrities think, please don't vote. Sit down, turn off the TV and think about your life.
Finally, if you believe, deep down in your spirit, that Albert Rosenfield might be talking to you here, please don't vote:
