This data is compiled from reporting done by the Chicago Tribune Breaking News staff and is typically updated more than once per week. Therefore, the most recent shootings may not be displayed immediately.
Event Promoters? Anyone? Listen Up!
Here’s a chance to outdo every grand arena spectacle ever conducted in the history of man! Gladiators duking it out to the death? Christians vs lions? Small ball compared to what could be produced with bold, daring foresight.
Maybe you have noticed the (great?) city of Chicago is on a path to shoot more than four thousand people this year, again . . . and may top previous records. And all that activity is taking place mostly in the dark, and in back alleys out of sight. Bodies are immediately rushed from the sidewalks and city streets, blood is hosed from the fouled surfaces lest eyes view the gory residue on the altars of death.
Occasionally some shootings occur in broad daylight in front of spectators. But sometimes only mothers and other kin of the shootees get to witness the slaughter. The general public only sees the ensuing headlines. What a waste!
But what an opportunity! This screams for big time organization. Prime time stuff! Major media publicity! Domestic and international cable subscriber sales could go
through the roof!
Much of the carnage already takes place in Chicago’s south side where many of the perps and victims live. How convenient. Soldier Field, home of the NFL Chicago Bears, is nearby and could be engaged to stage the event of a lifetime . . . literally. Brace yourself for . . . “gangbangers vs gangbangers”!
Community organizers could be hired to sign up contestants, ensuring all local gangs get a chance to participate in an unforgettable extravaganza. When the inevitable movie is made of the event, contestants’ names would appear in the credits. What a legacy! Why die an unknown when even fleeting fame could be at hand? Talent agents would arrange contracts for shooters drawing their last breaths, ensuring surviving families receive a payoff from summer reruns.
Are you getting all this?
At the appointed hour the stadium loudspeakers would blare out the latest gangsta rap music in lieu of the traditional national anthem. The overflow crowd of attendees would not be asked to stand with hands over hearts . . . they would be encouraged to “take a knee”. Unbelievable drama!
Now comes the pageant sport of the ages! On cue, an automatic weapon fired into a microphone connected to the stadium speakers, announces the action is about to begin. The noise is deafening! Each gang, clad in the colors of their choice, rushes from the tunnels . . . guns blazing! An enterprising business person would have sold protective vests to anyone in the audience anticipating the stray bullets that frequently strike down innocents in the hood.
When it’s over the cheers from the audience will not be for the corpses littering the grass. They will be for a rejuvenated city.
A former Chicago community organizer who made it big in politics and now commands huge fees for entertaining Wall Street toffs could add to his glowing reviews by paying for the funerals of the indigent antagonists. The tears of joy at his magnanimous gesture would flow like a cataract.
Let’s title the movie “The Gathering of the Gangs!”
Hopefully there will be no sequel.
Bob was born in Toronto and began his financial career as a trader on the Toronto Stock Exchange. He relocated to California and became SVP and CFO of a $multi-billion diversified financial entity. He served on the board of many companies in Canada and US. An avid yachtsman, he owns a twin diesel ocean going vessel once featured in Architectural Digest magazine. He maintains a hockey web site. “slapshotreport.com” and currently resides in Sausalito, California.Commenting Policy
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