May be you don’t believe in Santa Clausa, California. But then Chico Marx had a similar problem. His brother Groucho presented him with a contract that included “the usual sanity clause.” Chico objected on the grounds that there “is no Sanity Claus.”
The Canada Free Press, one of the most read conservative newspapers according to Google, is ever on guard for thee and me. Here in the Great White North the thingies at Toronto City Hall backed off under public protest from renaming Christmas. Not so our friends south o’ the border, reports Canada Free Press. Lowes Hardware stores has decided they will sell a ‘Family Tree.’ Even their catalogue uses the word Christmas a grand total of two times.
Strangely enough in China, where most of our artificial Christmas trees originate, that atheistic communist regime seems to have no problem labeling the product with the dread designation.
But there is nothing like the real, homegrown, one hundred per cent Canadian Christmas tree. Unfortunately, there is risk of conflagration if it dries out. So when you arrive home with the tree, cut another inch or two off the stump. Then place in a bucket full of water with a half-cup of bleach added. Allow it to stand overnight before placing in the stand and decorating.
In the current number of Harrowsmith, Elena Dekeyser, Saskatoon, Saskatchewan says she, too, worried about the risk of fire. Now, however, her worries are at rest when she discovered a home spray for fireproofing what she calls (yes) ‘the Christmas tree’. Mix in a pail with 2 litres of luke warm water: 250ml alum, 30 ml borax, 110 ml boracic acid; when dissolved, add 7 more litres of water.
There is always somebody on the block whose traffic-stopping light show rouses most unseasonable feelings of envy. (Leroy are you reading this?) “The first thing to remember is there can never be too many lights on a tree or bush, say the experts at
www.planetchristmas.com/DecorateTrees.htm. People love seeing all those individual points of light. This is a wonderful and very extensive site featuring bright ideas and sound advise for exterior decorations.
Apart from keeping Al Gore and David Suzuki in profitable business, global warming has been blamed for, amongst many other things, the demise of the traditional northern-hemisphere seasonal surroundings. Choose from snowfall increase, snowfall heavy, snowfall reduction and white Christmas dream ends at
www.numberwatch.co.uk/warmlist.htm. But, hey ecoholics, Santa will be able to carry more gifts on his sleigh – and lumps of coal for greenies – as reindeer are larger.
Environmentalists concerned with what happens to all those Christmas trees will be happy to learn that early last January, the British science journal Nature revealed “a festive recycling solution.” According to Berlin Zoo spokesman Ragnar Küne, “Elephants around the country will enjoy a delicious lunch today consisting of about five Christmas trees each.”
