Dear Hillary Rodham (I'm sure these days you want to forget you're married to Bill Clinton, the red-faced, skirt-chasing dope that dragged your campaign through a trailer park).
Let's talk mano y mano, girlfriend to girlfriend, shall we? I understand that you are quitting the race shortly. I also understand that this is a big mistake. What strong woman quits when things get a little hairy?
Women warriors have led the way for you, Hillary. They have suffered severed limbs, broken hearts and burned bras. Did they walk from the battlefield? No!
In ancient times, before Jesus was born, Queen Vishpla lost her leg in battle. Did she quit? No! She was fitted with an iron prosthesis and returned to battle.
Did Phung Thi Chinh quit the battles of A.D. 43 between Vietnam and China when she needed to give birth? No! She delivered her child at the battlefront and moved forward.
Did Monica Lewinsky quit when your husband said he wanted to play sex games with tobacco products? No, she donned her thong and vamped her way around Bill's secretary, Betty Curry.
It's time to buck up, Hillary. You must not disgrace those who have gone before you. Think like Madame de Saint-Belmont, who disguised herself as a man and fought a duel against a cavalry officer after he ignored a letter she had sent complaining of his discourtesy.
You're halfway there, Hillary, thanks to your adherence to wearing pantsuits and scaring the bejeebers out of most men who worked for your husband. Where's the good old Hillary Rodham who said: "I'm not some little woman standing by my man like Tammy Wynette"? That Hillary would not lie down for a man. Ever. Get out of the kitchen, girlfriend!
We all know you're a smart woman with more testosterone than Barack Obama. You probably have more male hormones than Michelle Obama, too. The problem is that Obama has bigger ears than you, and I don't mean that in a, well, mean way. He just listens to the cry of the people who want change.
That's right. They want a good looking, man with a tight stomach and a deep baritone. Let's face it: He looks better than you in pantsuits. Heck, he even looked better in his Muslim garb (that photo you leaked was priceless!) than Nancy Pelosi's hijab.
But you hold the higher card in the game of victimhood, Hill, and it's time for you to play that ace in the hole. I'm not sure if the feminists at Wellesley taught you this, but blacks got the vote before women in our country. The 15th Amendment of the U.S. Constitution was ratified on Feb. 3, 1870, allowing blacks to vote. Four Amendments and 50 years later, women received the right to vote. Hillary, it is up to you to ensure women aren't condemned to repeat history. You can't let us down, girl. You are more oppressed than B. Hussein Obama (as our fellow sister supporter Ann Coulter calls him), and America needs to understand this!
We've also got to do a little work on your political complexion, but don't worry, it's nothing that a little Clinton concealer can't fix. Not to be critical, but you allowed Obama to outflank you on the left. He supports women's rights to kill their unborn babies up until the time of their birth. He hangs out with terrorists, preachers who hate America, and his wife is only proud of America now that people are fainting at Obama's speeches. He even opposes the concept of marriage being between a man and a woman.
You and Bill go to traditional churches where they actually preach the Gospel. While Bill may fall asleep during the sermons, he can't compete with Obama, who claims to have slept through 20 years of his pastor's sermons. I know that Bill made a boneheaded mistake when he signed the law protecting marriage between a man and woman, but who's perfect? And yes, your husband did score some points with the left when he pardoned terrorists, sure. But do you call any of them friends?
I don't think we should dwell on what went wrong, but a little hindsight might help you continue your fight. We've talked about how Obama is half black. You can't change that, but you can capitalize on the fact that Bill was the first black president and you were co-president.
Understandably, your party got a tad upset when Dubya lost the popular vote in 2000 but won the Electoral College. Some of you promised to change the Constitution. What happened? If your folks had Texas two-stepped around the law, perhaps your popular vote may have clinched your coronation. You must remind them of this NOW! I want to see TV ads running morning, noon and night on Fox News Channel, CNN and Lifetime that drive this point home. Loan yourself another few million dollars to pay for the airtime if you have to.
Now don't get down on yourself, girlfriend. Take a cue from your husband in an important quote he gave to USA Today in 1993: "We can't be so fixated on our desire to preserve the rights of ordinary Americans."
Take what is yours, Hillary. You are no ordinary American. The Democrats owe you. Do not quit. Take it to the convention. Move to the left. Support the killing of all unborn, unwanted babies; support the rights of terrorists to come to New York courts; support more welfare; support voting rights for convicted felons (you did good on this one!); support stripping the U.S. Constitution of the Electoral College provision.
I'll leave you with a quote from a strong, bra-burning, woman: one Hillary Rodham, who delivered these very words at the 1969 Wellesley College Student Commencement Speech:
"One of the most tragic things that happened yesterday, a beautiful day, was that I was talking to a woman who said that she wouldn't want to be me for anything in the world. She wouldn't want to live today and look ahead to what it is she sees because she's afraid. Fear is always with us, but we just don't have time for it. Not now."
You go, girl!
