Hillary to Ohio, West Virginia, Kentucky and Pennsylvania Coal Miners: "McDonald's is Hiring!"

--Satire When Hillary Clinton spoke at an Ohio town hall meeting during her primary campaign earlier this year, her flippant remark that she would "put a lot of coal miners outta work," if she is elected President, was as welcome to coal miners as a skunk at a picnic. In an effort to un-ding the bell and reverse the political damage caused by her remarks (undoubtedly one of the reasons that 30,000 Democrats in Pennsylvania switched to the GOP in recent months) she quickly reversed herself with an equally clumsy statement that she "misspoke"[sic] when she said she would put a lot of miners out of work. Now assured of the Democrat nomination and desiring to play to her radical left-wing, anti-carbon, whacko green base, she called Hugh Betcha to clarify her position once more. Longtime friend of the Clintons, CNN's "Most Trusted Reporter, 2016," MSNBC's "Reporter We Would Most Like to Hang With, 2015," and a reporter widely respected on both sides of the aisle--a man who walks with kings and princes--Head of the Environmental News Desk of Stoos Views International Media Conglomerate, Hugh settled into a comfortable overstuffed chair in the great room of Clinton's posh mansion to conduct an exclusive interview with Mrs. Clinton. The Clintons' go-to guy in times of trouble with the press, Hugh was summoned to set the record straight on the issue of Hillary's position on coal. As her husband Bill busied himself interviewing female interns upstairs for possible White House positions, Hillary began.

"As you know," she began, "I have promised to serve out the third and probably fourth term of our greatest President, Barack Obama. After all, why not? Our economy is steaming ahead, the number of people on food stamps is negligible, we are about to welcome tens of thousands of new immigrants, ISIS is on the run and no threat to us; we are greatly respected around the world, and race relations have never been better. I have been vindicated about that little email dustup and all is good. Why not stay the course?" she grinned widely. "How about coal--Obama said 'good luck if you want to start a coal fired generating plant as you will go bankrupt'? Do you intend to continue that policy?" "Well, I do want to clarify my position on that matter. Honestly, now that I have thought about it, I misspoke." "Which time?" "When I said I misspoke about the miners in Ohio." "Please explain." "Well when I originally said I would put a lot of coal miners outta work if I am elected, I said later that I misspoke and did not really mean that. That, of course, was necessary to win the primary in Ohio."

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"Oh." "Well, now that I am running for President and have been assured of the nomination--thanks to my super-delegate cronies--I must say, after much thought--that, when I said I misspoke, well, I misspoke. I mean, the truth is that if I am elected I really will put a lot of miners "outta work." "So..." said Hugh, nonplussed. "So I am saying to all the coal miners in Ohio, Pennsylvania, Kentucky, West Virginia and elsewhere, if I am elected, you are fired." "What is your plan for those loyal Democrat miners who voted for Obama, and for you in the primaries, and who have stuck with the Democrats all these years through thick and thin?" "I would simply say this to them: there is hope. You can make windmill parts, solar panels, work in an ethanol plant; or go on welfare and spend time with the family, take up art, go fishing, hunt for squirrels, be a Walmart greeter--have a little fun. If I am elected, there will be tens of thousands of new jobs flipping burgers at $20 per hour minimum wage. As Obama said four years ago and is still great advice now, don't fear for the future: McDonald's is hiring!"