Likely Change If Obama Is Elected

--Satire -- Should voters be foolish enough to elect Barack Obama on November 4, the following Changes will be America's just rewards:

---

The 44th president of the United States will take the Oath of Office in a cave at an undisclosed location in Pakistan or Afghanistan. He will place his left hand on the Koran, while swearing (in Arabic) at the U.S. Constitution, capitalism, and bitter white rural Christians with handguns; Presidential Inaugural Balls will be held in Mecca, the Dome of the Rock, Madina, and other venues with large populations of American-hating Jihadists, like San Francisco and Detroit; Abortions will be mandatory--for pregnant Jews; The Iraq war will be officially declared a "Hate Crime" against Islam; Lethal injection will replaced by beheading, hanging, or public stoning, especially for morally corrupt women who allow themselves to be raped, or whom are audacious enough to hold public office; Women will be prohibited from driving automobiles, thereby reducing gasoline consumption in America by at least 50 percent, immediately ending the need for offshore drilling; Reverend Jeremiah Wright will serve as Secretary of Defense; U.S. Marines will invade the site of 9/11 to destroy all commemorative symbols as well as any plans to rebuild Twin Towers; The term "Under God" will be replaced by "As ordered by Allah" in the Pledge of Allegiance; Every Friday afternoon will be reserved for mandatory mosque attendance and praying in an easterly direction, as prescribed by federal law; Enjoying Miller Time, Happy Hour and other Friday traditions savored by America's unwashed masses will be cause for immediate beheading, or worse!; Ramadan will replace Christmas and Thanksgiving as national holidays; celebrating Yon Kipper will be a felony, punishable by death on the first offense; Burning the American flag will no longer be a crime, unless Al Gore decides that the smoke from smoldering flags causes global warming; All citizens will be automatically covered by universal health care insurance at birth; illegal aliens will be covered only after registering as Democrats; An "Excess Initiative Tax" will be paid by households with annual incomes exceeding $200,000; A "Global Warming Tax" will be levied on SUVs and luxury cars registered to Republicans and southern Democrats; Former National Security Adviser Sandy Berger will be appointed Director of Homeland Security; George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, General Petraeus, and Donald Rumsfeld will be sent to Guantánamo Bay for their roles in the Iraq war. Habeas corpus will be denied all four, and Terrorists held at Guantánamo Bay will be set free to make room for George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, General Petraeus, and Donald Rumsfeld. Barack Obama: Can America survive his extreme brand of change?