The “You Might Be a Redneck If” sayings have spawned several “If” jokes over the years. Different versions have popped up from time to time. Some folks claim to be neither liberal or conservative and a few think you cannot know. If you do not know whether you are a liberal or a conservative, then you are a liberal, because a conservative has enough sense to identify and classify honestly. Liberals, on the other hand, are so dense, they don’t know whether they are washin’ or hangin’ out. Here are some identifiers, a few original, others adapted, which can help you know which sign to wear.
If you think gun control keeps guns out of the hands of criminals.
If you’re one of the three people in your town watching MSNBC or CNN.
If you break out in a cold sweat at the mention of the Constitution.
If you believe the Constitution is living but unborn babies aren’t.
If you are only tolerant of people as long as they totally agree with you.
If you really do believe Islam is a religion of peace.
If your wife is obsessed with other people’s health but can’t make you stop smoking.
If you are pro-choice but refuse to give the baby a choice over whether to live or die.
If you think occupy Wall Street protesters are sane but Tea Partiers are nuts.
If you think you should be in charge of light bulbs and school lunches.
If you think the only way to find out what is in a bill is to make it a law first.
If you really believe the main stream media is objectively reporting news.
If YOU always know what’s best for everyone else.
If you believe animals have more rights than humans.
If you can’t articulate one single word without a teleprompter.
If you think we should kill innocent babies but not execute guilty murderers.
If you think guns kill.
Joseph Harris has been a college professor and pastor since 1987 and his writings have appeared on WorldNetdaily, Sword of the Lord, Intellectual Conservative, Conservative Daily News, and Land of the Free.
