Overdressed Latest British Crime

Take off your jewels and gew-gaws in Merry Old England, where wearing too much ‘bling’ can get your reported to Crimestoppers. The Gloucestershire Police Force “is encouraging members of the public to report people wearing too much ‘bling’ during the recession. (dailymail.co.uk, May 12, 2009). “They are also urging people to shop anyone who drives flash cars or buys expensive items without the apparent means to afford them during the credit crunch.”

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Guess Obamamania, and its corporate crackdown, has finally hit the Brits. Now let’s get this straight, Gloucestershire Bobbies: If you dress to the nines, you’ll get shopped to Crimestoppers. If you dress down to go shopping, you’ll be shopped to Crimestoppers for buying outside your means. It’s egalitarian sackcloth time for all! Still, British Home Secretary Jacqui Smith insists it’s a privilege to come to England. The Gloucestershire police have come up with a cutesy name for their campaign, which they’re running with Crimestoppers. They are calling it ‘Too much Bling? Give Us a Ring’. They likely expect international terrorists to check in before arrival, too. The rest of the world must ponder how far British authorities will go to do anything but arrest real criminals and world terrorists. Smith, who seems obsessed with the ghost of Michael Savage, has banned unsavoury characters already in prison from coming to her country. It’s all about values. Smith explained her recent ban as necessary because it is “important that people understand the sorts of values and sorts of standards that we have here, the fact that it’s privilege to come....” “If people have so clearly overstepped the mark in terms of the way not just that they are talking but the sort of attitudes that they are expressing to the extent that we think that this is likely to cause or have the potential to cause violence or inter-community tension in this country, then actually I think the right thing is not to let them into the country in the first place. Not to open the stable door then try to close it later,” she said. Chances are remote that Smith has opened the stable door and recently had a look at what’s already in her country. As for Crimestoppers and Gloucestershire cops we can only hope it’s not your tacky Auntie Gertie with her ropes of pearls and crown jewels that won’t get arrested for too much bling, but Prime Minister Gordon Brown instead. The file containing Mr. Brown’s toilette routine was inside a rucksack found in the back of a black cab at London’s King’s Cross station earlier this week. “Confidential notes” as detailed as any magazine article telling how Brown should apply his make-up had been left in the taxi by a careless aide. Not for Gordon Brown to stand in long lineups with housewives at Harrods for a make-up lesson. Meanwhile, there’ll be more time for tea breaks back at the precinct if the public agrees to turn in `Burglars in Bling’. Says Gloucestershire’s Chief constable Dr. Timothy Brain (that’s right, Brain): “In the current time of financial uncertainty, those who live a lavish lifestyle with no discernible, legitimate income become even more apparent. “By flaunting their ill-gotten gains criminals signal contempt for everyone who works hard, and act as very poor role models for the younger members of society. If the coppers are on the hunt for too much bling, they should ignore Auntie Gerties and go after the politicians.