Currently Toronto and much of eastern Canada is in a deep freeze. The temperature in some areas is close to -20 degrees Celsius (4 F). The temperature combined with strong winds makes it just a tad nippy out there.
We know that it’s cold outside because the weather is the number one story in most of the media. The talking heads ignore the less important news such as the crisis in Pakistan, the violence in Kenya and the Iowa caucuses to tell us how cold it is out there. This must be for all those dimwits that can’t discover for themselves that it’s cold. We have high wind alerts, cold alerts, extreme cold alerts and this is just on the relatively balmier days. The media is constantly telling us the obvious; that the homeless should be off the streets; that they are in danger of dying in the cold out there. Of course those who are telling this see weather as the only reason not to let people sleep on the sidewalks and parks that impede the lawful enjoyment of the taxpayers. It’s there right to sleep outside unless the temperature drops in which case it’s our fault that they are homeless.
Canada isn’t the only place that is experiencing a deep freeze. The U.K. is set to experience one of the coldest winters in the past 100 years. For those who are old enough to remember, this type of weather is reminiscent of the great global cooling crisis of the late 1970s. But back in the disco era, we didn’t know as much as we know now. So let’s not just talk about the weather; let’s do something about it.
We all know now that it is a scientific certainty that carbon dioxide spewing into the atmosphere is heating up poor old Mother Earth. We know this as a fact because such renowned scientific minds as that belonging to Internet inventor Al Gore tell us this is so. Much like the Holocaust, global warming is certainty, save a few people who doubt reality and who are properly labeled “deniers”.
So something is wrong here. The planet is on fire and yet it’s freezing outside. It must be that we just aren’t pumping enough carbon dioxide into the atmosphere and is causing the freezing temperatures. There can’t be any other reason for the cold temperatures. So let’s not talk about the weather like in the olden days. Let’s take action!
The first thing that we should do is immediately ban all forms of public transit. It’s time to rev up all those SUV’s so they can sit in gridlock all day. If that won’t spew enough carbon dioxide into the atmosphere to warm the place up, nothing will. Of course gas prices just went up 3 cents a litre a couple of days ago. The price increase was caused by oil topping $100 a barrel, the death of Benazir Bhutto or the fact that a couple of days ago was Wednesday. The government needs to immediately provide rebates to the populace so they can afford to top their tanks, spew more carbon dioxide and increase these sub zero temperatures.
This cold weather is no time for people to be trading carbon credits or in Al Gore’s case, selling credits to themselves while making enormous profits. An immediate ban must be placed on all of these activities. And of course there are more minor steps that people can take to increase the temperature. Let’s get rid of all these silly fluorescent light bulbs and go back to the old bulbs. All greening measures should cease until we can make the temperature rise to more modern levels. Every little bit will help.
Gentlemen (and ladies) – start your engines. The homeless who are outside freezing are depending upon you.
