Obama’s Independence Day Apology

Given Barack Obama's penchant for tearing down America and Americans at every possible opportunity, do not be surprised if the Anointed One delivers an apology for the 4th of July.

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An Obama Independence Day apology speech might sound something like this: My Fellow World Citizens: Two hundred thirty three years ago, on July 4, 1776, a small band of angry white Christian males declared their independence and established a new nation, one that was supposed to bring hope and comfort to human kind all across the world. Regrettably, instead of providing a beacon of hope for the world to rely on, right wing extremists established a nation of renegade capitalists who have started wars and oppressed hundreds of millions of innocent people in order to secure wealth. Those right wing extremists, now celebrated in much of America as courageous freedom fighters and patriots guided by the divine power of Jesus Christ, have brought more war, poverty, and death to the world than any other demographic in human history. Those right wing extremists stole property and assets rightfully belonging to subjects of the British Empire. Those right wing extremists marched relentlessly, seizing all land between the Atlantic and Pacific oceans in the name of "Manifest Destiny" which was their naive way of saying "Jesus made us do it." Those right wing extremists slaughtered innocent people of color and took away their land and condemned them to live like captured animals. Those right wing extremists forced English and Christianity down the throats of all people conquered. Those right wing extremists imported millions of Africans to work as slaves and be considered subhuman because of their race. Descendants of right wing extremists continued the legacy of treachery by starting world wars and using a devastating nuclear weapon that killed hundreds of thousands of innocent Japanese civilians. Descendants of right wing extremists created a system of capitalism that rewards greed and punishes compassion. Descendants of right wing extremists created a system of opportunity and prosperity that unfairly embarrasses and humiliates nations, once considered our allies, who cannot match the greed that lurks in the heart of American capitalists. Descendants of right wing extremists implemented their racism through Jack Crow laws and mob lynching. Descendants of right wing extremists continued to treat black people as subhuman through government-sponsored discrimination in education, employment, and housing. Descendants of right wing extremists invaded Korea, Vietnam, and Iraq in the name of spreading freedom when the real objective was oil and other interests considered vital, economically, to the United States. On and on the list of transgressions by descendants of right wing extremist goes, making America the most despicable and loathsome nation in human history. Fellow world citizens, I stand before you today as the new president of the United States, committed to ending the legacy of right wing treachery and replacing it with a policy that takes wealth from the successful and gives said wealth to the mediocre and poor. My administration is committed to slapping a great deal of that "Yankee" arrogance off the faces of right wing extremists so that America can once again be an obedient, nothing special force that works to be liked by other nations. Know, too, that CHANGE is the objective of my administration. YES WE CAN! become a nation of followers and mediocre citizens. Being second best is America's new "Manifest Destiny" under my administration. Thank you and praise be to the United Nations, Europe, Hugo Chavez, Fidel Castro, and President Manuel Zelaya and his family. Allah willing, of course!