Hours before the presidential news conference about health care, I flipped on MSNBC and saw their prominent countdown clock marking the hours, minutes, and seconds until the the appointed time. Then I switched to CNN. Same thing but with the added touch of a SECOND countdown, "Countdown to Black In America 2." Here is my impression of all this countdown frenzy:
WOLF BLITZER: Good afternoon. This is Wolf Blitzer at the Situation Room Mission Control. In just 7 hours the President will be holding a press conference on his health care plan. Over to you, John King...
JOHN KING: Uh, Wolf. If the press conference is in 7 hours then why does the on-screen countdown clock show only a little over 3 hours until the start?
WOLF BLITZER: John, that is the countdown until when the countdown clock starts ticking. Right now we are at almost 3 hours until the official countdown begins. Over to you, Candy Crowley...
CANDY CROWLEY: Wolf, do you know that there are now two countdown clocks on the screen?
WOLF BLITZER: Yes, the second countdown shows the time left until our special show tonight, "Countdown to Black in America 2."
CANDY CROWLEY: And now I see 3 countdown clocks.
WOLF BLITZER: Because in just 144 hours we are going to have "Countdown to Black in America 3." Oh, and while, we're at it, lets start the countdown to "Countdown to Ruthenian in America." A special CNN report on what it means to be a member of America's hidden minority.
JOHN KING: Ruthenian? Is there even such a place as Ruthenia?
WOLF BLITZER: Yes, you head south from the Carpathian mountains and take a left when you hit the Danube River. If you miss it, then take a U-Turn at Transylvania and then drive until you reach the third traffic light.
CANDY CROWLEY: Who are Ruthenians?
WOLF BLITZER: A Ruthenian is a Slovenian without a job. Ha! Ha! And that's the subject for our "Countdown to Ruthenian in America 2." Cheap jokes mocking Ruthenians. Is this a hate crime? Set the countdown clock for that CNN special!
JOHN KING: Stand by now for a CNN poll! Do you think Congress will go to August recess without voting on the health care bill?
WOLF BLITZER: Just 268 hours until the August recess. And you can count down the seconds on our special August Recess Countdown Clock on the screen along with our many other countdown clocks.
CANDY CROWLEY: Wolf, don't you think we have too many countdown clo....?
WOLF BLITZER; Candy, stand by! I have just received a news flash from the CNN producers! They are planning on having a meeting about whether we are overdoing it on dopey countdown clocks.
CANDY CROWLEY: Thank goodness!
WOLF BLITZER: The meeting is scheduled in 3 days or as you can see on our new Countdown Overkill Countdown Clock, 71 hours 59 minutes 22 seconds and counting.
P.J. Gladnick lives in South Florida which is full of eccentrics which is why he feel right at home here. P.J.‘s main accomplishments in life was winning a bottle of aftershave when he was eight and having the biggest PING List (almost 1000 Pingees) on the Free Republic forum for my DUmmie FUnnies blog. This is fortunate since he suffer severely from Ping List Envy.
He has written a syndicated humor column that appeared in dozens of newspapers throughout North America. Only complete humility forbids him from telling you that his columns appeared in the Houston Chronicle, St. Petersburg Times, L.A Herald-Examiner, Winnipeg Free Press, Cleveland Plain Dealer, Vancouver Sun.
P.J. has produced an award-winning satirical comix website called PJ’s Comix. Among the people we viciously satirized was James Carville but I hope that Mary overlooks that.
P.J. can be reached at: pjcomix@hotmail.com
