World Cup? Cup of What?

Satire As a red-blooded American patriot and proud Jingoist, I find the news headlines these days most disconcerting. Everywhere you go, even the Drudge report for heaven’s sake, it is cup this, cup that, and on and on.

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My question is, Cup of what? From what little I am able to glean from the news headlines, this Cup nonsense is all about opposing gangs of ruffians from all over the world chasing a little ball up and down a grass field for hours on end, with little or nothing of substance to show for it, except for hundreds of thousands of angry and drunk fans. For instance, the headlines were blaring the urgent news that Cup combatants from Mexico and South Africa wasted four or more hours of urgent television time--- just to end tied at 1-1. Just what is the bloody point of getting all exercised about a “sport” that ends with no winners or no losers? A game that ends tied 1-1? Why bother? Imagine the world reaction if the 2009 baseball World Series included a game in which the Philadelphia Philles and New York Yankees forced the American public to watch four plus hours of boring, no-action baseball that ended tied at 1-1? Again, what is the bloody point? In my view, soccer is much like religion gone amuck in many European and Latin American nations. How else to explain the fact that people actually riot and kill other human beings simply because of doings on some damn grass field involving a ball that players keep kicking back and forth? Such extreme behavior is found only in religion and soccer. Besides, who really gives a roaring freak if Britain has a better soccer team than the U.S.? We are still number one in matters that really count, despite 16 months of incompetence and abuse by a Marxist president and Congress. World Cup? Nah, give me the Baltimore Orioles against the Kansas City Royals and a 40-inch plasma television. Throw in a case or two of cold Bud, and you have the perfect way to spend a June afternoon in the best tradition of American patriots!