Another Chris gets a tingle down the leg over Obama
Chris Tingle Christie, the Governor of New Jersey to Quit His Job….
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-Satire (Stoos Views/Hugh Betcha Exclusive)
As he walked arm in arm with President Obama just before the election touring the devastation wrought upon New Jersey, stopping from time to time to hug the President and kiss his shoes, little did Governor Chris “Tingle” Christie know that his display of man love toward a President who he had criticized vehemently would lead him to a new career.
Speaking by phone with Hugh Betcha—Ace Reporter for Stoos Views Media Conglomerate—the Governor could barely contain himself.
“I used to criticize the man,” Chris Tingle remarked, in an uncharacteristically apologetic tone, “but when we walked arm in arm and I looked him the eye and heard him speak, I finally understood what Chris Matthews experienced. I felt it—that tingle up and down my leg that I used to scoff at. It is real, and I am not ashamed to say it: I love the man.”
“How do you go from Republican Kill Dog with a vicious bite to this wussy baby man love thing you expressed for him on the eve of the election?” Hugh inquired.
“Just like that Beatles tune: somethin’ in the way he moved,” gushed the Governor as he sang the refrain, “it is hard to explain, but it grabbed me. In fact I called Chris Matthews and we giggled like little girls when we talked about him. And later, when Obama and Springsteen called me, I nearly fainted. The Boss is…sending….me a…signed photo of himself. I——.” (sobbing)
“Are you not a little sheepish about this man crush you have on your former adversary?” Hugh asked.
“If you think I give a damn about how people feel about me,” the Governor retorted, “you don’t know Chris Tingle Christie.”
“But don’t you think your chances of ever running for the Republican nomination for President will suffer as a consequence of the priceless photo op you delivered to the President just before the election?”
“Could care less,” Christ replied. “I have a new gig.”
“Publicity Secretary for the President,” he replied.
“I am in charge of coordinating the press coverage of The Great One and will be supervising MSNBC (Most Sycophants Nuzzling Barack Constantly), ABC (All Barack Channel), CBS (Covering Barack Seriously) and NBC (Nightly Barack Channel), so we ensure continued fair coverage of the President and weed out any unfair criticism or illegal news stories which might portray him in the wrong light.”
“Anything FOX might say about him or any criticism from Republican politicians, and so forth.”
“How did you get this gig?”
“Well the President thought I did such a great job of promoting him on the eve of the election, and the photographs of me hugging him and licking his shoes impressed him I guess.”
“And your plans to run for the Republican presidential nomination?”
“Means nothing to me now… I…. just want… to serve Him,” the Governor sobbed as his voice trailed off and Hugh, courteously, bid goodbye and hung up.