Thanks to the National Science Foundation, we'll soon know a lot more about why, exactly, snails choose to have sex. Obviously, this is a question that's been at the forefront of American curiosity for years and, finally, answers are coming. U.S. taxpayers are giving an $880,000.00 grant to the University of Iowa to study the mating habits New Zealand mud snails, in the hopes of determining why organisms have sex.
If you're confused, we can elaborate. It seems that the New Zealand Mud Snail can reproduce both asexually and sexually. Scientists are curious why it would choose to do the latter, when attracting a mate involves difficulties not found in the former.
"Sexual reproduction is more costly than asexual reproduction, yet nearly all organisms reproduce sexually at least some of the time. Why is sexual reproduction so common despite its costs,” the study asks. “This project will use a different organism, Potamopyrgus antipodarum, a New Zealand snail, which has both sexual and independently-derived asexual lineages that make it ideally suited to address fundamental evolutionary questions of how genes and genomes evolve in the absence of sexual reproduction.”
A shorthand version of this is: "Scientists want to know why sexual reproduction is the norm, when it's so darn difficult to get someone to touch you. Wouldn't it just be easier to do it all by yourself?"
Now, I'm more than willing to admit that there's some scientific merit here. It's a valid question that has repercussions for cloning, growing replacement body parts, etc. However, it's once again time to deal with reality.
As a nation, we're broke.
Liberals love to talk about "need" in terms of gun control. We've all heard the "Hunters don't need a machine gun" line. So, let's apply that logic here.
Do we really need to be spending close to a million dollars on a snail sex inquiry? Sure, a million is just a drop in our debt-filled bucket, but the drops are adding up. Unless it's a genuinely necessary outlay, it's time to cut.
If this research will truly benefit the world in a tangible way (i.e. the cloning argument above) someone in that field should fund the project, since they're the ones who will profit from it later. If the scientists involved can't figure out a way to secure funding other than a government handout, they need to start questioning the relative value of their work.
Since $500,000 of the money has already been paid out, no amount of scrutiny will reverse this decision. However, if we're going to hold our government fiscally accountable, it's time to put the brakes on this kind of spending. If the feds can't demonstrate an immediate benefit to the taxpayer, it needs to go.
In the meantime we'll keep an eye out for the results and, when they're released, we'll make sure you have a proper scientific explanation for why snails like sex. After all, you're paying for it.
