By Judi McLeod ——Bio and Archives--January 18, 2014
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“With invitations warning guests to ‘EBYC’ — Eat Before You Come — and rumours they’ll be dancing to star turns from Beyonce and her rapper husband Jay Z, it won’t be your usual White House knees-up. “Michelle Obama was 50 yesterday and President Barack Obama will be feting his redoubtable First Lady tonight with a party that will give them the chance to let their hair down and forget their troubles for a few hours.”
“The email inviting guests to the ‘snacks & sips & dancing & dessert’ advised them to wear comfortable shoes and practise their dance moves.”“Snacks, & sips & dancing & dessert” is no real break from Hank Williams Jr.-style Family Tradition. Only the Wagyu steak and mashed are missing. Having pored several times through the article, the presidential affair is a mystery to readers. But whomever Barack is fooling around with, it’s the Secret Service’s fault:
“Under the headline Obama Divorce Bombshell!, the National Enquirer claims their 21-year marriage has dissolved in a string of ugly fights that were prompted by the Mandela memorial incident and — far more outrageously — Mrs Obama’s discovery that Secret Service bodyguards had been covering up infidelity on her husband’s part.”Why? No one knows from whence he came, let along where he is any given time.
“It’s an allegation the White House has declined to comment on, though after Bill Clinton’s trouser-dropping scandals, Americans would be rather less sanguine about any extra-marital activity than the French appear to be over President Francois Hollande’s behaviour.(At least it’s women Hollande is fooling around with). Folk already know that Barack steps outside the White House for the occasional hamburger, ice cream, smoke break, golf game, smoke break?, they just don’t know with whom he meets during his many breaks.
“Mrs Obama, the Enquirer claims, intends to stand by her husband until his presidency is over, at which time he will move back to Hawaii, where he grew up, and she will stay in Washington with their children.(Whew!) The following description mentioning how the Obamas have always been “keen to appear accessible”, is downright hilarious: “Purse-lipped Washington etiquette experts have tutted at the informality of it all, but the Obamas have always been keen to appear accessible, even if the stand-offish reality is somewhat different.” Barack and Michelle copy Mae West’s mantra, “I don’t care what the newspapers say about me as long as they spell my name right.” Meanwhile, expect no one to faint from lack of rib-sticking food at tonight’s birthday party. Fainting only happens when Barack is addressing an audience or if you happen to attend one of those schools where Michelle imposes her rabbit food on students.
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