-Satire
Reeling from withering criticism from both the Left and the Right for his lack of leadership and solution for the influx of illegal alien children from Mexico and Central America, the President called his friend and longtime confidant Hugh Betcha to announce a solution to the immigration problem on the southern border. Hugh, Ace Reporter for Canada Free Press and Chief of the Immigration News Bureau of the Stoos Views Media Conglomerate rushed to Foggy Bottom to meet his friend in the Oval Office. Hugh, winner of La Raza’s “Most Trusted Caucasian Reporter, 2014” award, and man with unlimited access to the White House, settled back in his favorite overstuffed chair to listen to his friend.
“I have decided to exercise some rare leadership on this issue,” the President began, “as the situation on the border is intolerable.”
“Are you going to continue to return the illegal immigrant children to their countries or send them by the busload and dump them on unsuspecting cities who do not want them?” the reporter asked bluntly.
“No, it would be unkind to send them home but also a burden on the American public to simply send them by the busload around the country and dump them off willy nilly on cities where they are not welcome--I realize this now,” the President conceded.
“So what is the solution?”
“Mi Casa Es Su Casa,” the President replied, “‘my house is your house’ as they say down south.”
“Meaning?”
“Michelle and I have decided to adopt and take into the White House 150 alien children, to relieve the burden on the Border Patrol, ICE, and the American taxpayer. After all, we have the room, it is the right thing to do and will set an example to all Americans—who I am sure will be inspired to do the same.”
“But what caused this change of heart?” the reporter inquired, aghast at the suggestion.
“Well, Democrats are for the little guy. We are compassionate and concerned. Besides, my failure to defend the borders has, I confess, caused this mess. Therefore, I am going to lead from the front and adopt these children because obviously their parents could care less and they won’t mind at all.”
“But there are hundreds if not thousands of them and….”
“…No problem—I have enlisted the help of my fellow Democrats. Pelosi is going to take 50, Reid another 50, Biden another 50, and so on. I am confident that all Democrats in Congress will follow suit as they all favor open borders anyway as a means of recruiting future Democrat voters. I am also asking everyone who voted for me during the last election to take in at least one or two as well. We can easily solve this problem and without sending these kids back or burdening the country with unwelcome illegals—or ‘undocumented minors’ I guess I should say,” the President grinned confidently.
“And where do you propose to keep them?” Hugh inquired.
“Our house is big enough—you know, some in the basement, some in Biden’s office, where nothing important happens anyway, a few in the Oval Office as I am rarely there. We can put up some in tents as well. It will be cozy but we can make it work.”
“How can you afford to support them all?”
“Well, we have decided to take no more vacations in the next two years—which will save the taxpayers $44 million and this should be more than enough to support them.”
“How gracious,” Hugh replied.
“And remember that humongous $14,000 gown Michelle wore for the state dinner we threw for the President of France?”
“Yeah.”
“We have decided to put that to good use, rather than just hanging it in the closet never to be worn again.”
“Meaning?”
“With a little reinforcement and canvas cover, It will easily house four small children on the White House lawn. It is a sacrifice we are willing to make.”
“His newest book, The Wind and the Spirit (Stories of Faith and Inspiration)” was released in 2011 with all the author’s royalties go to support the Carmelite sisters.”
