WhatFinger

Time to welcome next-generation scion Kim Jong Uh-Oh?

Oh, dear: Bowl Cut Jr. hasn't been seen in weeks

By Dan Calabrese ——--September 26, 2014

World News | CFP Comments | Reader Friendly | Subscribe | Email Us

The one word that keeps coming to my mind is Chernenko. If the reference is lost on you, ask someone who is intimately familiar with the history of the old Soviet Union, like my 14-year-old son for example.
Communist leader is either dead or on death's door. Communist regime denies all. Communist regime faces questions about just where Dear Leader has been lately. Communist regime considers a Weekend at Bernie's type gambit to assure everyone that Dear Leader is just fine and is totally in control. Next think you know . . . well, in this case, I don't suppose we'd be sending Biden to the state funeral, do you? Then again, the thought of Biden being seized and sent to one of those hard-labor camps, digging holes all day long in a grey prison uniform until Jimmy Carter shows up to bring him home. That's almost too good, isn't it? So with all that in mind, what do we make of this?
North Korean leader Kim Jong-un is suffering from “discomfort“, a state media report has said in the first official acknowledgement of ill-health after a prolonged period out of the public eye. Kim, 31, who is frequently the centrepiece of the isolated country’s propaganda, has not been photographed by state media since appearing at a concert alongside his wife on 3 September, fuelling speculation he is suffering from bad health. “Based on his gait, it appears he has gout – something [due to] diet and genetic predisposition that has affected other members of the Kim family,” said Michael Madden, an expert on the North Korean leadership and contributor to the 38 North website. Kim had been seen walking with a limp since an event with key officials in July and in a pre-recorded documentary broadcast by state media on Thursday appeared to have difficulty walking. “The wealth and prosperity of our socialism is thanks to the painstaking efforts of our marshal, who keeps lighting the path for the people, like the flicker of a flame, despite suffering discomfort,” a voiceover for the hour-long documentary said.
Now, come on. Dude is 31 years old. He has the fricking gout? I was just about to mention how he has access to the best doctors in North Korea, but as I read it back to myself it really doesn't sound so great. I sort of assume Bowl Cut Jr. has access the finest meats and cheeses in his palace while the paupers outside kill their dogs for food and eat dust, but who knows? Maybe the Chinese get tired of sending him Chicken Chow Mein while he causes them all those problems. And if Bowl Cut Jr. dies, what then? Who's next? He doesn't have any kids that we know of, and if he did have a love child out there somewhere, he couldn't be more than 10 or so, right? (So, conceivably, about as mature as he is, in the best of all worlds.) When Kim Jong Il died and Kim Jong Un succeeded him, we speculated around our house about what the next-generation scion might be named. My wife had the best suggestion: Kim Jong Uh-Oh! I don't know about you, but just in case it comes to that, I'm ready.

Support Canada Free Press

Donate
Subscribe

View Comments
Dan Calabrese——

Dan Calabrese’s column is distributed by HermanCain.com, which can be found at HermanCain

Follow all of Dan’s work, including his series of Christian spiritual warfare novels, by liking his page on Facebook.

VIEW Comments

Sponsored