Fall Festival for Gardeners

Well, it’s all over. How did the Sassenachs ever expect to beat a people so tough that they chose the thistle as their floral emblem and then choose to wear the kilt?

But it’s back to practical matters as temperatures drop and days grow shorter. It’s been claimed that a wife is a woman who can turn and old rake into a lawnmower. And the mowing continues until at least the end of the month perhaps, like the grass, longer. As always, cut the lawn no shorter than five centimetres (two inches) until the final trim of the year. Then lower the height to 1?-centimetres (a half-inch) to discourage the grass from bending and lodging under the weight of snow. Elsewhere in the garden, cut back dead perennial stems and compost spent annuals. Bring indoors any particularly outstanding tropical perennials to save for next season’s display. Cease to deadhead faded rose blooms, allowing them to set hips and prepare for winter – the stems need not be cut back and earthed up until next month. This leaves little time for mischief by males, to the relief of their partners, ever realizing that many a young tomato has been cultivated by an old rake.

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Diversion No. 1

Black thumbs? It is not nice to suggest to Calgary gardeners that they plant Cerastium tomentosa – snow-in-summer.

Want to put your neighbours to shame this Halloween? Pimp you pumpkin with a miniature smoke machine, suggests Sophie Bushwick in Popular Science magazine. Push several nails into the floor of your jack-o’-lantern and place a small foil pie tin on them, with a few tea candles beneath. When you pour a little fog juice (one part glycerine to 3 parts distilled water) into the tin, the candle will heat and evaporates the liquid. A nifty and somewhat longer-lasting, gardening orientated October decoration can be made by pushing a six-inch pot of hardy chrysanthemums into the top of your carved and scooped-out pumpkin. Check daily for watering – those pots are full of roots, which can dry out surprisingly fast. Position a plastic saucer in the bottom to catch excess water that will otherwise rapidly rot the pumpkin.

Diversion No. 2

Greenery in the workplace can increase production by 15%. Staff concentration and satisfaction increased once plants were introduced into two large offices in Britain and Holland, reveals a study published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology.

We suggested last month that perhaps the only assured way to keep squirrels from noshing on newly planted bulbs is to spread chicken wire netting over the beds. Dugald Cameron, president of Gardenimport (www.gardenimport.com) suggests a more decorative solution. He writes in this fall’s catalogue: “If squirrels are a problem then Fritillaria are your solution. They have a strong smell that these creatures hate. Plant some with your other bubs and the squirrels will leave them alone.” He also notes that: “Squirrels don’t like Daffodils! If you have a problem with these critters then Narcissus are the solution,” adding that they also avoid Puschkinia. Surprisingly, although offering Scilla siberica bulbs, Dugald says nothing of their squirrel-repelling qualities. The furry ruffians avoid them since, like Narcissus they are poisonous. Gardenimport does, however, offer Acti-sol, an all-natural, granular 4-2-2 general fertilizer which they “have found squirrels dislike.” Made in Quebec using a European process, to protect bulbs apply a third of a cup to every 10-square-feet following planting and repeat in spring. It retails for $9.95 per 1.36kg carton at Gardenimport. This sounded promising enough to check back files. Sure enough modest research revealed the poop – 100 percent pure hen manure out of Notre-Dame-du-Bon-Conseil (www.acti-sol.ca/en/) under the sign of their Mother Hen. Sounds more like Super Chicken to us – Cluck Kent.

Diversion No. 3

The XVIII International Botanical Congress in Melbourne, Australia, concluded that formal plant descriptions appearing in Latin are an ‘irrelevant anarchism’ and should now be written in English. Strangely the world’s experts continue to number their meetings using Roman numerals . . .

In food-famished United States, amongst many horticultural comestibles celebrated this month are included apples, cranberries (of which more later), sun-dried tomatoes and pickled peppers. It has also been proclaimed to be ‘Spinach Lovers Month” and, if all that is not enough the 15 October is National Mushroom Day. Much more inviting gardening-wise is the view from China where Chongyang Festival falls this year on 2nd October. It is traditionally spent appreciating beautiful chrysanthemums, drinking chrysanthemum wine, eating Chongyang cake and – perhaps to allay some of the effects of the drink – climbing mountains.

Diversion No. 4

“I do yoga every day and eat healthily. I’m obsessed with broccoli – I eat it everyday with absolutely everything. No matter what, I always add broccoli. It’s become a running joke – my wife makes fun of me for it.” Ringo Starr, 74, Beatles drummer whose wife of 40 years is Barbara Bach, a former Bond girl

It has been said that a true Canadian mother is one who makes sure her kid’s Halloween costume fits over a snowsuit. Why Ontarians conduct their civic elections on 27th October and not 31st has puzzled many. This is especially so for those who claim that the difference between a highway and a politician is you can turn off a highway. Others say that far from having enough Thanksgiving turkey they are anticipating more turkeys on Election Day. Ah well, W. S. Gilbert made a point when the ancestral ghosts in Ruddigore inflict their unmitigated wrath on their dishonorable descendant, Sir Ruthven Murgatroyd:

Coward, poltroon, shaker, squeamer, Blockhead, sluggard, dullard, dreamer, Shirker, shuffler, crawler, creeper, Sniffler, snuffler, wailer, weeper, Earthworm, #, tadpole, weevil! Set upon thy course of evil, Lest the King of Spectre-Land Set on thee his grisly hand!