Lindsey Graham calls it quits, puts us out of his misery

Unbeknownst to most Americans, there was a presidential candidate out there who was quietly running a secret campaign for America's highest political office. His name was Lindsey Graham, and he was running on a platform of "I hate Ted Cruz and I love John McCain." He's decided to fold up shop because maybe, just maybe, this isn't his year.

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As KTLA reports, this doesn't mean we've seen the last of Lindsey:

“I’m going to suspend my campaign. I’m not going to suspend my desire to help the country,” the South Carolina senator said in a wide-ranging and candid discussion in which he acknowledged: “I’ve hit a wall here.” He made the official announcement in an email to supporters and Youtube video posted Monday morning.

John McCain put on a black arm band and issued a statement which lauds the highly successful Graham campaign and laments the fact that the Wacko Birds appear to be winning. "Despite the disadvantages he faced in resources and debate opportunities, Lindsey’s message of serious statesmanship and problem-solving in public affairs, his forthright opposition to policies and attitudes that would endanger our country and reflect poorly on our party, and his genuine decency and humility won him many new admirers." With that, we bid a fond farewell to Lindsey Graham, his dream of history's first "all-Jewish cabinet," and his desire to be at war with everyone, everywhere, at all times. Maybe Jeb will give him a job. ...Wherever he ends up working.