Michelle Obama’s “Victory” Garden

- Satire - Millions of American families are losing their jobs, 401(k) savings, and homes; major financial institutions are on the verge of being reduced to purveyors of Monopoly play money; the entire American auto industry is headed the way of Ford Edsel; mad men in North Korea and Iran defiantly reject global cries to abandon their diabolical schemes for dangerous missiles and nuclear programs; violence and chaos in the failed state of Mexico are spilling onto U.S. soil; real estate holdings once worth millions are now dirt cheap; reckless liberal politicians are piling trillions upon trillions of debt on the backs of taxpayers and their children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren; and the liberties and freedoms guaranteed by the U.S. Constitution are under assault as never before.

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Given that dreary prognosis, why would anyone but an out-of-touch elitist decide to disrupt the beautiful landscape of the White House lawn in order to plant a "victory" garden? What victory for heaven's sake? America's Bolshevik Revolution as of November 4, 2008? Yet that is exactly what America's First Lady, Michelle Obama, has in mind. As reported by Yahoo Finance, in part:

"PITTSBURG, Kan.---First Lady Michelle Obama broke ground last week on the South Lawn in preparation for the White House's first vegetable garden since First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt's 1943 Victory Garden. Coined a 'Recession Garden' by the media, the First Family's Reggie garden is meant to teach American families about the health benefits and economic impact associated with eating locally grown fruits and vegetables. The First Lady told O Magazine in its April issue that the garden will be used 'as a point of education, to talk about health…how delicious it is to eat fresh food, and how you can take that food and make it part of a healthy diet.' Considered a symbolic 'groundbreaking' for the nation, the White House garden is expected to inspire millions of American families to grow by example. According to the Associated Press, a recent survey conducted by the National Gardening Association predicts a 19 percent increase in home gardening in 2009."

But what of those who have lost their homes to foreclosure and have no property on which to plant "Victory" seeds? What about apartment dwellers and those who live in the projects where the only available soil is too toxic to grow weeds, much less broccoli and cauliflower? Just how "inspirational" will it be for these folks to see America's recession proof First Lady pose with a shovel and bag of tomato seeds in front of cameras, before retreating to the palatial trappings of the White House where she will be pampered by her $200,000 a year chef and staff of dozens? Lady Obama's quote in O Magazine means she has been in touch with Oprah Winfrey, perhaps she even ran the idea past the superstar. A word of caution, Michelle: Keep a close eye on what Oprah plants in your garden. Left on her own, Oprah is likely to turn that veggie garden into a fat haven where chocolate milkshakes and 4,000 calorie monster burgers drive out onions and green beans. With Oprah in charge, the only victory will be in keeping one's waistline under forty five, and the number of chins down to a robust three. One last tip: Save speeches delivered by America's Karl Marx on steroids--that would be President Obama--for shredding and spreading on that garden. There be no more potent fertilizer, madam!