Jimmy Reed

Stupidity

Stupidity was devastating for mythological Atlas, whose fate was to bear the weight of the world on his shoulders. He had a chance to rid himself of the burden when Hercules, a man of superhuman strength, visited him, seeking help in recovering the missing Golden Apples of the Hesperides.

That Steady Grind

People should feel blessed when offered extra work. One semester, my boss left a message on my answering machine, asking if I’d be willing to finish teaching a course that had lost its instructor.

Brick’s Bed Buddy

Because the Mississippi Delta is snake heaven, many folks who live there learn to tolerate them. Even my mother wasn’t too frightened by snakes, as long as she saw them ahead of time; instead of chopping one to pieces with her hoe when working in the garden, she’d just shoo him away because she knew snakes preyed on varmints that preyed on her vegetables. On the other hand, if she discovered a chicken snake in one of her hen nests, he had eaten his last egg, and became haute cuisine for the hogs.

If You Ain’t Fishing Cane

All day long I watched the fly. My arms ached; I had a crick in my neck; I was tired and hungry … but reluctant to quit.

Sundy Mawnin’ Fuhgivniss Boots

Jaybird owned four kinds of footwear: rubber boots for rainy days; brogans for dry ones; Saturday night jukin’ boots, and “Sundy mawnin’ fuhgivniss boots.”

Shells For Melons

Percy Paterson’s watermelons were ripe for the picking when the first dove season started that year. Five of us teenagers, shotguns a-shoulder, decked out in boots, bandoleers, and camouflage hats, were pillaging the countryside, ignoring bag limits, hunting posted ground and generally being cocky young bucks full of devilment. Stumbling upon the watermelon patch, we felt like lusty pirates of yore, about to reap the spoils of war.

Wouldn’t It Be Great?

Being an honest politician is as impossible as being almost pregnant. If asked how they stand on matters of local and national importance, they fabricate evasive answers, hoping to please as many potential voters as possible on both sides of issues.

Unlucky Lucky 13

Some folks are just naturally accident-prone. I am. Mama always said I should write a book about my accidents. If I do, the one that will top the list happened when Dean and I discovered the honey hole.

Stayin’ Pow’r

Jaybird, my best friend and boyhood mentor, never read William Faulkner; he never even heard of him. And, besides, he couldn’t read. But he would have agreed with what Faulkner said when he stood before royalty, dignitaries, and scholars in Stockholm, Sweden, and gave his Nobel Prize Acceptance Speech.

He Made Us Chop

The July sun pecked us like a fierce-eyed fowl, and the humidity was so high we needed gills to breathe. Yet, there we were, my brother and I, chopping cotton.

Food Stamp Fallout

One of my daughters describes me as a blunt-spoken, close-minded, ultra-conservative troglodyte; I describe her as a knee-jerk, bleeding-heart, liberal progressive. With levity instead of rancor, we enjoy debating hot topics. Recently, over cups of java, I saw that luminous gleam in her eye and knew we were about to join battle.

Just Shelling Beans

No hobbies are more therapeutic than gardening; in summer, none are hotter. One hot August day, a friend, admiring my butter beans, said, “Goodness gracious … I’ve never seen butter beans make like that. You must have done something differently this year.”

You Might Not Get There

Folks starting out on a journey must be certain to do one thing: plan. If they don’t, they might end up like these fellows who took a plane trip without a plan.

Plan B

Because I procrastinate, I feel like a hypocrite when I tell college students not to. In the summer session now in progress, my students must write research papers, and knowing that procrastination would rear its lazy head and cause me to postpone grading all those papers, I announced that the assignment was due the following Monday.

Deal’s-A-Deal

“The way it is now, asylums can hold all the sane people, but if we try to shut up all the insane we’d run out of building materials,” Mark Twain once said.

The Yoke Of Bondage

When I was a kid, boys played a game called “king on the mountain” — a wrestling match in which the guy still standing was taken down and replaced by others, also taken down. In today’s world, America still stands, but sinister forces — within her shores and abroad — are determined to take her down.

Old Glory Will Forever Fly

I’ve had my share of wins and losses, but one thing I can never lose — one thing that grows stronger with time — is my love for America.

Fine Day For Fire Ants

Ask farm-raised folks of my vintage what extreme cold is, and they’ll tell you it’s a swipe across the face by a cow’s cocklebur-clogged tail when you’re milking her on a freezing winter morning with nothing between you and howling winds but a barn’s tin siding. Ask what extreme heat is, and they’ll say: loading hay in summer.

Fabianism In Education

“Press one for English” infuriates me, as does driving up to an ATM machine and having to choose Spanish or English. While staring directly into the big-brother camera staring back at me, I always curse the machine, hoping my vitriol is recorded.

All-Day Sucker

Folks who believe that money can do anything don’t have any. One day, many years ago, on Uptown Avenue, the main thoroughfare of Pace, Mississippi, a friend of mine didn’t have a cent, and was certain money could do anything … especially buy him an All-Day Sucker at Peach-Eye’s Grocery.