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Money does not grow on trees: "Sure it does," replied AOC confidently, "we have hundreds of trillions of trees. We simply cut them down, make wood pulp, print paper money, Government can afford anything. You just do not understand economics

Alexandria Occasionally-Coherent (AOC) Announces Reparations Plan


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By —— Bio and Archives July 15, 2019

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ALEXANDRIA OCCASIONALLY-COHERENT (AOC) ANNOUNCES REPARATIONS PLAN-- Satire (An Exclusive Interview with Hugh Betcha) When Alexandria Occasionally-Coherent wants to create news, she calls for a press conference. But when she wants to grab a headline she does what every smart politician does--she calls ace reporter Hugh Betcha of the mighty Canada Free Press. Hugh, who walks with kings and princes, is widely respected on both sides of the aisle in Washington, and recently won the coveted MSNBC "Conservative Reporter We Most Admire 2019" award was happy to oblige. Occasionally-Coherent, author of Move Over Grandma--The Socialist Case Against Speaker Pelosi (Marxist Press, 2019), and We Can Just Walk--The Case Against Gasoline, (Little Golden Books, 2019), was anxious to announce her reparations plan for the country.
"So you want to pay blacks whose forebears were slaves--is that right?" asked the reporter "isn't that discriminatory? How about other groups who have been oppressed in the past?" "Well that is exactly right," Occasionally-Coherent replied, "this country has oppressed so many groups that it would be unfair to pay only blacks who descended from slaves; so I am expanding eligible groups in order to be all inclusive." "So how much are you going to pay and to whom?" "Well, I think $5,000 in oppression payments sounds about right--for each person who has descended from someone who has been oppressed in the past," Occasionally-Coherent replied. "You mean even relatives of Japanese Americans who were interned during World War 2?" "Well yes, I hadn't thought of that, but they should receive an oppression payment as well." "Native Americans such as Elizabeth Warren," Hugh inquired, "certainly the United States oppressed them too. Should they not receive oppression payments as well?" "Yes of course--them too." "And Hispanics?" "Yes if they have any relatives who were oppressed in the past, say when our country stole Texas from Mexico, they would be entitled to oppression payments."
"How about LGBT persons whose forebears were oppressed in the past--pay them too? Certainly you do not want to forget them." "Of course, "replied Occasionally-Coherent, "they should receive an oppression payment as well." "Okay," pressed Hugh, "how about Americans who are descendants of persons oppressed at several levels?" "What do you mean?" asked Occasionally-Coherent. "Well, for example a gay black person whose great grandmother was Native American--what then?" "I had not thought of that," Occasionally-Coherent conceded, "to be consistent and fair, he or she should receive three units of oppression payments or $15,000--one for descending from a slave, one for descending from a gay person who was discriminated against and one for his/her Native American blood." "But," said Hugh, "isn't this going to cost billions of dollars--assuming that you get past all the logistical problems with identifying these folks, documenting their heritage and determining all the possible permutations as in the case of multiple oppression levels? Money does not grow on trees you know." "Sure it does," replied AOC confidently, "we have hundreds of trillions of trees. We simply cut them down, make wood pulp, print paper money, and Government can afford anything. You just do not understand economics."


Copyright © 2019 William Kevin Stoos

William Kevin Stoos -- Bio and Archives | Comments

Copyright © 2020 William Kevin Stoos
William Kevin Stoos (aka Hugh Betcha) is a writer, book reviewer, and attorney, whose feature and cover articles have appeared in the Liguorian, Carmelite Digest, Catholic Digest, Catholic Medical Association Ethics Journal, Nature Conservancy Magazine, Liberty Magazine, Social Justice Review, Wall Street Journal Online and other secular and religious publications.  He is a regular contributing author for The Bread of Life Magazine in Canada. His review of Shadow World, by COL. Robert Chandler, propelled that book to best seller status. His book, The Woodcarver (]And Other Stories of Faith and Inspiration) © 2009, William Kevin Stoos (Strategic Publishing Company)—a collection of feature and cover stories on matters of faith—was released in July of 2009. It can be purchased though many internet booksellers including Amazon, Tower, Barnes and Noble and others. Royalties from his writings go to support the Carmelites. He resides in Wynstone, South Dakota.


“His newest book, The Wind and the Spirit (Stories of Faith and Inspiration)” was released in 2011 with all the author’s royalties go to support the Carmelite sisters.”


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