Armageddon: Ken doll gets a man bun

By Dan Calabrese —— Bio and Archives June 21, 2017

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I guess eight years with an emasculated president wasn't enough for American culture. Now we're going to give Barbie a boyfriend who will be happy to go with her to the Ladies' Literary Society and take her last name if and when their domestic partnership ever takes on legal status - which is no better than a "committed relationship," you understand. Come to think of it, why not make Ken gender-fluid? It's all the rage these days, and with the latest announcement, Mattel is coming awfully damn close:

Mattel is introducing 15 new looks for the male doll, giving him different skin tones, body shapes and hair styles. The makeover is part of the toy company's plan to make its dolls more diverse and appeal to today's kids. Barbie received a similar overhaul more than a year ago.

Ken will be sold in three body shapes: "slim," "broad" and "original." He'll have modern hairdos, such as cornrows and man buns, and come in seven different skin tones. He'll also be sporting new fashions: think skinny ties, plaid shirts and graphic tees.

Great. Just what Barbie needs. A limp-wristed, metrosexual pansy-#

Great. Just what Barbie needs. A limp-wristed, metrosexual pansy-# whose ambition in life is to attend poetry jams or sit in front of a coffee shop strumming a guitar while people drop dollar bills in his guitar case. Here's Man Bun Ken in all his inglory: If Barbie was my daughter, I can tell you exactly what would happen: "Mr. Calabrese, I want to devote my life to artistic expression, diversity and tolerance. Barbie and I agree that we don't need much money."

The emasculation of men has gone far enough

Silence. "Mr. Calabrese, why are you getting out that baseball bat?" By the way, if the man bun is not your thing, there's also Still On His Parents' Health Insurance At 26 Thanks To ObamaCare Ken: It looks like Pajama Boy had to put on some big boy clothes before Mommy made him his baloney sandwich. If you have daughters young enough to play with Barbie and Ken dolls, do them and the rest of the world a favor. If any of the above Ken dolls somehow make their way to your house, get G.I. Joe or Stretch Armstrong to kick their asses. The emasculation of men has gone far enough.