Notable America-hater Noam Chomsky is vewy vewy angwy

Barring unforeseen developments, MIT linguistics professor emeritus Noam Chomsky, one of the nation’s leading apostles of anti-American hate, will turn 88 on Dec. 7. The communist-anarchist thinker’s scheduled birthday comes exactly 75 years after the surprise attack on Pearl Harbor. The man who inspired the late Nim Chimpsky still blathers on with his tedious left-wing boilerplate, seeking out anyone with a pulse to listen to his mind-numbing diatribes against anyone to the political right of Rosa Luxemburg. At the moment he’s pissed off at fellow lefties who couldn’t be bothered to vote for Hillary Clinton in order to stop the AntiChrist, known informally as Donald Trump. “I didn’t like Clinton at all, but her positions are much better than Trump’s on every issue I can think of,” His Chomskyness said.

Although he supported Clinton rival Bernie Sanders in the Democratic nominating contest, in January the Chomskynator said he would vote for Clinton if he lived in a swing state. “Every Republican candidate is either a climate change denier or a skeptic who says we can’t do it,” he said. “What they are saying is, ‘Let’s destroy the world.’ Is that worth voting against? Yeah.” The professor Chomskyficated on Trump in May, calling the now president-elect’s refusal to buy into the myth of anthropogenic global warming “a death knell for the [human] species.” He has also said the GOP’s policies pose “serious danger to human survival.” He Chomskynuated to the Huffington Post back in February that the Son of Satan’s rise could be explained by his magical powers, devilish charm, and ability to appeal to “deep feelings of anger, fear, frustration, hopelessness, probably among sectors like those that are seeing an increase in mortality, something unheard of apart from war and catastrophe.”