Canada Free Press -- ARCHIVES

Because without America, there is no free world.

Return to Canada Free Press

Politically Incorrect

Storm Troopers

by Arthur Weinreb
February, 1999

During the height of the 'storm of '99', Toronto Mayor Mel Lastman called in the army - and the entire country couldn't stop laughing. Why people were laughing at Toronto's Bad Boy is hard to understand. Mel called in the army the same way he called in the Spice Girls. The difference is that, unlike the British rock group, the military actually showed up. Lastman, who is determined to hold the line on taxes, got cheap labour to remove some of the snow and probably saved thousands that would have gone to pay private contractors and quadruple union wages.

If anyone is to be laughed at, it should be Art Egghead, the Minister of Defence (whose portfolio will soon be changed to Minister of Bad Weather). There have been no new peacekeeping or peacemaking tours lately. That's because Canada won't act unless the United States says it's OK and President Clinton is too busy not paying attention to his impeachment trial to worry about what's happening abroad. With nothing much to do, and having been trained to fight, the military has been reduced to fighting floods in Manitoba, ice in Quebec and eastern Ontario and now snow in Toronto.

Questions should be raised about the federal government sending the troops to Toronto. A public inquiry should be held. Of course, it will be closed down before it gets to the good stuff, but it will create short term jobs for lawyers and judges and provide new programming for CPAC.

There are advantages and disadvantages in having the armed forces come to the megacity. We can all sleep soundly knowing that if Canada ever becomes a military dictatorship at least the snow will be cleared. That won't make the GO trains run on time, but it will be better than nothing. But if Toronto is ever attacked by a hostile power, it will be hard to defeat them with soliders who are armed with shovels. At least the enemy will have freshly ploughed streets on which to advance towards the megacity.

Then the military left after a grand total of four days. Not even long enough to create a scandal. If only they had left Somalia after four days. Their short stay did illustrate one of our military's weaknesses. Despite having highly trained personnel, according to TTC head David Gunn, none of the troops had the skill required to remove the snow from the subway's third rail. Perhaps those who are trained in such snow removal would like to consider a career in the military. "Join the army and see the subway". They would get to wear neat uniforms and pay less taxes (that's because their salaries will be reduced by two thirds).

When the military left for home, they left their Bisons here. Which makes you wonder why they didn't just send the equipment in the first place.

w