by Klaus Rohrich
March 15, 2004
Canada is turning into a libertarian’s nightmare as daily more and more of our freedom is confiscated in the name of the "common good". Please don’t get me wrong, I’m very much in favour of civilization, having seen the alternatives from places like the Taliban’s afghanistan.
The most recent outrage in this nuthouse we lovingly call Canada, comes from Nova Scotia, where the health ministry, in collusion with the Canadian Mental Health association, wants to ban words that are deemed to be derogatory toward those who are mentally ill. The plan is to pay a bounty in the form of "cash prizes" to individuals who locate examples of "inappropriate" newsmedia uses of words like "nutcase", "lunatic" and "kooky", to name a few.
Clearly, the "fruitcakes" who thought this up are attempting to cover their own asses, as they are patently "loopy". How can the "nutbars" in Nova Scotia’s health ministry consider handing out cash prizes to people who snitch on newspapers and TV stations, when there are lineups for cardiac surgery and MRIs?
I imagine that the logical consequence of this initiative involves pundits disappearing in the middle of the night to be condemned by secret tribunals to spend time at re-education facilities in places like Goose Bay or Moose Jaw.
In keeping with the insane asylum theme, this year’s Governor General’s award for Visual and Media arts is being awarded to one Istvan Kantor. His "art" is the painting of a large "X" on walls with his own blood. Problem is, Kantor was banned from the National Gallery in Ottawa for gracing those walls with his own blood in 1991 and had to be given special dispensation to attend at the gallery to receive his award. While at the gallery, Kantor will be guarded by a special security detail, to ensure he does not repeat the transgression.
Doesn’t this sound like something right out of a Marx Brothers film? I can almost see Chico, Harpo, Groucho and Istvan, rampaging through the gallery painting "X"s on the walls with their own blood and maybe squirting seltzer water in adrienne Clarkson’s face, while John Ralston Saul stands by in a dignified manner wearing a cutaway morning coat, a monocle and a gaudy sash.
I don’t wish to get into a discussion about what constitutes art, but it seems to me that we didn’t get good value for our money in giving Istvan $15,000.00. Having earned a degree in fine art, I’ve always associated art with permanence. Painting an "X" on the wall in your own blood seems kind of cheesy. at the very least he could have painted it on a canvas with acrylics. That way it could be shown in a traveling exhibition, you know, the one entitled "Lunacy in Canada", along with the sculpture made of flank steaks.
Does having a Governor General make sense these days? It’s another one of those "whacko" things that’s so "kooky" about Canada. We go to great lengths to snub the Queen, by telling the world we have no allegiance to her. Yet, we sink millions of dollars into keeping the Queen’s representative and all of her best friends in champagne and caviar. Having adrienne Clarkson as our Governor General is like opening a box of Cracker Jacks, there’s always a surprise inside. In this case, the surprise is John Ralston Saul, who fancies himself a philosopher king. Every year "His Excellency" stuns the world and embarrases Canada with yet another of his earth-shaking pronouncements.
Ms. Clarkson-Ralston Saul, who is no newcomer to the government teat, seems to have taken to the job of G-G like a dog to a Frisbee. When Parliament wanted to humbly ask Her Excellency some questions about huge cost overruns in her budget, she haughtily proclaimed that she was "above politics" and sent her secretary in her place. The end result was that no one is the wiser about why her Northern Extravorgazma blossomed from $1 million to $5 million, and when Parliament wanted to trim Her Excellency’s budget by a paltry $200,000, the Liberals made sure that the measure was defeated.
Wouldn’t we all be a lot better off if we gave Ms. Clarkson Ralston Saul and Mr. Ralston Saul Clarkson their pink slips and abolished the job of Governor General? after all, we abolished the Queen...or is that too "sane?"
Finally, there’s the maximum-security wing of our nuthouse, better known as "Quebec". The place is full of inmates who threaten to escape unless they get their way. The warders, being caring souls, have given them their way for the last 40 years, encouraging them to freely spend vast quantities of other people’s money, among other things.
The rest of Canada is obligated to learn French, yet in the supermax of Quebec they’ve effectively abolished English.
For some reason we keep winding up with Prime Ministers who are from Quebec. Everyone hates them. Even the Quebecois. Yet they continue to get elected and re-elected. Is this not clear evidence that this is a "loony bin"?
Yes, we are all outraged, but we can’t do anything about it because we might disturb the status quo. Better we beat up Don Cherry instead, because (gasp) he said that French hockey players wear face visors. Cherry needs to be sent to the Tuqtuyuktuk re-education facility in the high arctic for some sensitivity training, if he expects to continue working for Radio Canada.
So what is our affliction, anyway? are we obsessive-compulsive because we seem to keep electing the same politicians even though we hate them? are we BI-polar because we are both French and English? Maybe we have multiple personality disorder because of our undying commitment to Multiculturalism. It’s also possible that we are afflicted with nymphomania, as we keep getting screwed by the government. I know that kleptomania seems to be particularly prevalent in Canada, judging by what happens to our tax money. One thing is for certain: we are all severely depressed and due for some revolutionary new medication.