by arthur Weinreb, associate Editor,
april 5, 2004
Judy Waslycia-Leis, the NDP MP from Winnipeg-North-Centre is introducing a private member’s bill to require the registration of all women who have obtained breast implants. The purpose of the registry is so that women can be easily notified should any implants be found to constitute a health hazard. although parliamentarians, especially those on the left, like to think that nothing can get done unless the government does it, it is hard to imagine that women could not be informed of any potential health risks through radio, newspapers and, pardon the pun, the boob tube.
Usually bills that are introduced by private members do not go anywhere, so Wasylicia-Leis’ will, in all probability simply die. But some of these bills do make it through, like NDP MP Svend Robinson’s Bill C-250 that proposes amendments to the hate propaganda sections of the Criminal Code to include sexual orientation. That Bill has passed the House and is now in the Senate. So, the Booby Bill might just become law.
The New Democrats are not in power and despite the fact that Paul Martin has edged out Joe Clark as the prime minister with the worst start in history, the NDippers aren’t likely to form the government any time soon. The breast implant registry, if it comes into being, will likely be the responsibility of the Liberals--the same boys and girls that brought you the gun registry.
The gun registry whose estimated cost was pegged at $200 million when it was first implemented in 1996, is now costing Canadians around $1 billion. Will the implant registry, as the Edmonton Sun so eloquently put it, be our next "billion-dollar-boob-doggle"? Probably.
Despite the requirement to register guns, major cities like Toronto are now inundated by weekly shootouts. are we now going to be plagued with women walking around our fair city with unregistered breasts? For our already breast-obsessed society, it is definitely something to think about.
Of course our government is just crazy about implementing registries because it makes them feel like they are actually doing something. Despite that fact the Liberals do have principles and some things they will simply not register--pedophiles and other sexual predators come to mind. But given the greater danger that unregistered breasts will impose on society, the Liberals will probably go for this one.
What seems strange is that a member of the NDP is introducing this bill. There are obviously privacy concerns with the tracking and keeping of medical information and the NDP, like the Liberals, take privacy very seriously. The NDP, the greatest proponents of abortion, are always arguing that women have the right to control their own bodies. Seems like they can still control their bodies but in some cases, they have to register certain parts of them with the government.
and the Liberals are big on privacy. These are the guys that refused to release pictures of missing alleged perpetrators of crimes against humanity to the police because it would be a breach of the poor little darlings’ privacy rights. as well, the auditor-General found that there are 25,000 Canadian passports that were reported lost or stolen, but lists have not been given to officials at border points because of privacy concerns. So the willingness of the government to expose women’s breasts seems strange to say the least.
If the registration of breast implants is going to become mandatory, then there will have to be provisions to enforce the legislation. We’ll need a whole bunch of enforcement officers--perhaps we could call them "knocker coppers" who will travel across the country, wonder if they’re real and then carry out an inspection. Then again local police forces, as overworked as they may be, would probably be willing to carry out search and seizures. Those politicians who won’t rest until every unregistered gun totin’ Saskatchewan farmer is safely ensconced behind bars, will undoubtedly want the same for women with unregistered chests.
and let’s not forget our porous borders. Many women seeking breast implants, especially the 80 percent that have them for cosmetic purposes, will travel south of the border for the procedure. although we don’t seem to be very good at keeping drugs, guns and terrorists out of the country, perhaps we’ll do better keeping out breasts. Women entering the country will have to go into special lines where they will be "examined" for contraband.
at least if this legislation gets passed it will be symmetrical. a bunch of boobs will be controlling a bunch of boobs.