But things never stay the same. With Dylan renting his music for jingles, rumours are that other groups are adding new lyrics to old hits — our hits — to reflect our changing lives.
By nearly every measure, it's been fun being a baby boomer.
We grew up in the prosperity of the 1950s, enjoyed the freeing of society's restrictions and norms in the 60s, and had a chance to experiment with every crazy lifestyle and self-discovery guru who popped up during the 1970s. By the time we were settling down to regular jobs and new families and houses with 905 area codes, the 1980s and 90s made sure that there was plenty of everything good to go around for most of us.
Best of all, we lived through the explosion of rock music.
But, sadly, things never stay constant. Now that we're well into our 50s, and the first of our fellow boomers are getting ready to retire, things are turning sour. Bob Dylan renting out his music for commercial jingles was the first sign. Then, annie Hall had grandchildren and we all knew we were in trouble.
Now, some of the biggest singers and bands of the 60s and 70s, our icons, role models and sex symbols, are writing new lyrics for their old hits to tap the changing tastes and interests of the people who made them wealthy stars.
Here are a few examples that I discovered record promoters are pitching to radio stations.
Herman's Hermits - Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker
The Bee Gees - How Can You Mend a Broken Hip?
Bobby Darin--Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash
Ringo Starr--I Get By With a Little Help From My Pension
Roberta Flack - The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face
Johnny Nash - I Can't See Clearly Now
Paul Simon - Fifty Ways To Lose Your Liver
Commodores - Once, Twice, Three Times To The Bathroom
Marvin Gaye - I Heard It Through The Grape Nuts
Procol Harem - a Whiter Shade Of Hair
Leo Sayer - You Make Me Feel Like Napping (I Want To Nap The Day away)
The Temptations - Papa's Got a Kidney Stone
abba - Denture Queen
Tony Orlando - Knock Three Times on the Ceiling if You Hear Me Fall
Helen Reddy - I am Woman, Hear Me Snore
Willie Nelson - On The Throne again
Sheena Easton — Gold Plunger
Leslie Gore - It's My Procedure and I'll Cry If I Want To
Rumours are rampant that MuchMoreMusic will capitalize on the trend by staging a weekend of live acts performing their updated hits. If you're not familiar with MuchMoreMusic, it is a sister network to the better-known MuchMusic. It's for people who still like great tunes but whose pierced tummy jewellery is lost somewhere in their tummy folds, and who learned long ago that it's possible to go dancing before midnight.
Lining up big name groups for the show hasn't been a problem; many of the acts haven't been asked to perform anywhere for years. It's a fast slide to obscurity when you can't even get a gig at Casino Rama.
Still, meeting some of the aging performer's idiosyncratic demands is causing havoc at the Much studios on Queen West. One group demands organic prunes. another wants "The Clapper" on their dressing room lamps. One rocker, famous in the past for insisting that his dressing room be stocked with champagne, caviar and hot women, now wants a pair of those pressure-pump leg booties advertised on late night television that relieve varicose veins, which act up when he's on his feet too long.
The show airs at noon so viewers will have time for a nice breakfast, run errands and clean the house before settling down with a lovely cup of tea. The producers promise to wrap up the show at five so fans can still make the half-price, early bird dinner special at Einer's Diner.
James Charles is a Toronto writer. His next book is "Life In The Dominion: an american's affectionate Look at Living In Canada."
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