By Arthur Weinreb
Monday, May 14, 2007
It's not official but the city mothers must be holding a contest to see which councillor can come up with the dumbest idea to implement in order to detract from the fact that the once proud city is in a swift moral and financial decline. What else could possibly explain the rash of absolute silliness that has emanated from the council chambers in the last few weeks?
Giorgio Mammoliti came up with the idea of building a red light district for the city. Hardly a novel idea, but Mammoliti wants to put it on Toronto Island where all the beautiful people live. The councillor practiced hard for the contest, taking a dry run by demanding an investigation of Councillors Doug Holyday and Rob Ford for not spending enough of the taxpayers' money. The real tragedy of the Holyday/Ford fiasco is not that they didn't spend enough but that Canada has long ago abolished the death penalty for such vile misfeasance.
Actually, Mammoliti's proposal to put massage parlours and brothels on Toronto Island is not all that bad. The island is after all only a short hop across the bridge from the downtown core. Oops; there is no bridge. Oh well, there's always the ferry that along with the subway, isn't subject to the ever increasing gridlock that is paralyzing the city. And if the need for a massage or the services of inmates of a brothel is bad enough, it's not that much of a swim.
Another reason that it is a good idea is that Mayor David Miller, and by extension his socialist toadies on council opposes the idea. Toronto will eventually get a red light district when another level of government agrees to fund it but it won't be on Toronto Island. Miller takes his kids there and he doesn't want them to see this kind of stuff. So the red light district will be built in another area of the city where other peoples' kids have to walk passed them but not David's. He probably favours the Jane/Finch corridor in the heart of Giorgio Mammoliti's ward where the mayor's kids surely never go anywhere near.
Sex workers are against the idea because that area would be bad for business. If they ever get proper recognition of their profession they'll realize that the entire city of Toronto is bad for business. Actually they wouldn't last too long on the island and in no time would be moving north to Vaughan as real businesses are wont to do.
Nope, setting up brothels and massage parlours on Toronto Island would be a great idea. It would be ideal for tourists who fly into the city by landing at the island's airport. All that is needed to make our very own Fantasy Island complete would be to have Councillor Joe Panatlone running around yelling, "Da plane, da plane".
Perhaps Councillors Doug Holyday and Rob Ford could be encouraged to use some of their mis-saved office budgets frequenting the island's red light establishments. That would kill two birds with one stone yielding an efficiency rarely seen on Toronto City Council. It would never happen though; within 5 minutes of creating the red light district all councillors would receive free lifetime passes.
Giorgio is clearly the front runner in the dumbest idea contest but that didn't stop Councillor Glenn De Baeremaeker from trying. Coffee cups from takeout coffee shops are non-recyclable because of their lining and so wind up in landfill. De Baeremaeker would like to see the ever business-friendly city impose a 25 to 30 cent tax on the takeout cups in order to pay for disposing of the garbage that we dumb residents think that is what we pay taxes for. Unlike Mammoliti's proposal, this tax would have a serious effect on more than just a bunch of over aged hippies. The idea is so bad really nothing more has to be said about it. It was only suggested in order for De Baereamaeker to feel good about himself.
Tim Hortons is naturally opposed to the idea with an executive being quoted as saying, "We're not a waste-management company". The city mothers should consider themselves lucky that Tim Hortons isn't charging them for doing what they keep promising to do – housing the homeless.
There used to be a time when most of the dumb ideas that came out of Toronto City Council emanated from Howard Moscoe. For example Howard once proposed that all of the city's taxis be painted a certain colour, for a reason long since forgotten. It's sad to see Howard, who's obviously past his sell-by date, run a distant third in this contest.
Hey Giorgio, do us a favour. When you send the hookers to the island, get them to take the homeless with them.
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