Jimmy Reed

[em]Jimmy Reed is an Oxford, Mississippi resident, Ole Miss and Delta State University alumnus, Vietnam Era Army Veteran, former Mississippi Delta cotton farmer and ginner, author, and retired college teacher. This story is a selection from Jimmy Reed’s latest book, entitled [strong]The Jaybird Tales[/strong]. Copies, including personalized autographs, can be reserved by notifying the author via email (.(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)).[/em]

Most Recent Articles by Jimmy Reed:

Burning Old Jack

Bubba is always cheerful, but when he handed me what looked like a paint can, he was as solemn as a mortician.

- Friday, April 20, 2012

Beware Bees, Bearded Brother

Because hairy creatures have raided their hives since the dawn of creation, honeybees hate hair. The preacher’s face was hairy.

- Saturday, April 14, 2012

Lawd Glad Received

For a writing assignment, I instructed my freshman composition students to choose one of two topics: If offered a chance to go back in time and change a bad mistake, which mistake would you choose? Or, if offered a chance to go back in time and relive one of the best days of your life, which day would you choose?

- Monday, April 9, 2012

Pearly-Eyed Wobbler

One of the sternest lectures Dad ever gave me resulted from the time I ordered a ranch-style breakfast. My more sensible brother ordered ham, egg and toast. But, shoot! We were vacationing and had a big day ahead of us, swimming in the Gulf. I needed a real man’s breakfast to hold me up.

- Saturday, April 7, 2012

No Matches Nationwide

When I got suckered in by an internet company’s advertisement guaranteeing it matches lonely people with loving soul mates, I learned that what Mark Twain said is true: “There are people who think that honesty is always the best policy. This is a superstition. There are times when the appearance of it is worth six of it.”

- Monday, April 2, 2012

N-e-e-e-x-t!

Years ago, an optometrist checked my eyes and noticed a condition that needed monitoring annually by laser-equipped specialists in a large city not far away.

- Saturday, March 31, 2012

How To Be A Man

I was Leland High School’s clumsiest football player — the exact opposite of athleticism, and during our senior-year season, my self-esteem was at an all-time low. Gawky, ungainly, skeleton thin, weighing only 117 pounds, I was ashamed to join my teammates on the field. After practice, I’d go home, flop on my bed, cry, and ponder the question: Will I ever be a man?

- Monday, March 26, 2012

Soapstick

William Faulkner observed, “A mule will labor willingly and patiently for you for ten years for the privilege of kicking you once.”

- Saturday, March 24, 2012

A Stupid, Educated Man?

During my college teaching career, I have often verified what Will Rogers once said: “There is nothing so stupid as the educated man if you get him off the thing he was educated in.”

- Monday, March 19, 2012

Them Nekkid Girls

Now that political correctness has enervated society’s psyche, schools don’t deter bad behavior with corporal punishment, fearing it may encroach upon students’ self-esteem and comfort zone, and rely instead on police protection and metal detectors. Neither was necessary at my school, where swift, painful deterrence was administered, with no regard for self-esteem, comfort zone, or derrière.

- Friday, March 16, 2012

Dey Sho’ Bit Yesdiddy

Everyone has heard the old fishing adage: “Give a man a fish, and he can eat for a day; teach him to fish, and he’ll eat for a lifetime.” Jaybird, my boyhood mentor, taught me many things — especially how to fish, but on one occasion, our catch never made it to the skillet.

- Monday, March 12, 2012

Why I Missed Church

Someone once said, “Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.” Combining this truth with the certainty that there is no fool like an old fool, and with the common sense admonishment that a fellow ought not to mess with something that is not messing with him, explains why I will never again pester an armadillo.

- Saturday, March 10, 2012

Let Sleeping Women Sleep

Men know that women don’t have a sense of humor if awakened early when they have no reason to get up. On such days, most of them can sleep past noon in a sort of circadian hibernation cycle. When one of those opportunities comes along, men who disturb them will wish they hadn’t.

- Monday, March 5, 2012

What Hath…?

Teaching college kids is rewarding, but sometimes worrisome. Like freshmen I taught decades ago, my students are respectful, energetic, and, for older educators like me, rejuvenating. But one difference is troubling: Nowadays many students are not as well-rounded, as they would be if they spent more time reading.

- Saturday, March 3, 2012

The Clock Will Soon Be Still

Seventy years ago, Medal of Honor recipient Edward “Butch” O’Hare was a lieutenant commander aboard the aircraft carrier Lexington. On February 20, 1942, he was piloting his beloved F4F Wildcat, “Felix The Cat,” when he and his wingman realized they were the only fighters available to defend against a wave of Japanese bombers intent on destroying their ship.

- Tuesday, February 28, 2012

The Lick

I was a weak, skinny kid, which worried Jaybird, the old black man who was my boyhood mentor. “Some day, you’ll have to fight,” he warned. “But the way you are now, you’ll get the tar beat out of you. I’ve got to teach you the lick.”

- Saturday, February 25, 2012

The Old Testament In A Nutshell

Bill Cosby once said, “There’s hope for the future because God has a sense of humor, and we are funny to God.” If so, the Lord’s laughter must have shook the heavens when an elementary student, instructed by his teacher to write a composition, related his version of the Old Testament. Here’s what he wrote:

- Monday, February 20, 2012