Michael Bates

Bring back test patterns

The head of NBC told an investor conference Monday that his network may have to cut back on its programming. “Can we continue to program 22 hours of prime-time? Three of our competitors don’t. Can we afford to program seven nights a week? One of our competitors doesn’t,” he said.

Fun and Game Boys at Guantanamo

Raul Castro is, at 77, Fidel’s kid brother. When Fidel’s health forced him to take a break from full-time dictator duties, he installed baby brother as president.

Slummin’ with Barry

Mrs. Clinton assumed full taunting mode in a January Democratic presidential candidate debate. She aggressively battled "bad" Republican ideas, she told Obama, "when you were practicing law and representing your contributor, Rezko, in his slumlord business in inner-city Chicago."

A nation of Peter Pans

Author J. M. Barrie gave literature Peter Pan, the boy who refused to grow up. Government, by encouraging people to not assume the responsibilities of adulthood, is fashioning a nation of Peter Pans.

Why the race was lost

Castro this week described Obama as “more intelligent, cultured and levelheaded than his Republican adversary.” The American people agreed. So let the finger pointing commence. In no special order of consequence, here are a few probable reasons for the GOP loss:

The young will pay for a President Obama

It’s lamentable that Obama and Biden only tell the truth when people give them money. It was at a San Francisco fundraiser that Obama voiced his belief that residents of small towns in Pennsylvania and elsewhere “cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren’t like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations.”

Birds of a feather Barack together

An ABC News/Washington Post poll shows more than half the respondents don’t think Barack Obama’s association with unrepentant 60s terrorist William Ayers is a legitimate issue. It’s old news. Such reasoning suggests that in about 30 years Obama can serve on boards with bin Laden, visit Osama’s home and take political contributions from him, just as he’s done with Ayers. After all, that 9/11 stuff will be old news by then.

Another Great Depression?

It looks as though John McCain is respectfully campaigning himself into the footnotes of history. Polls with Barack Obama winning by double digits are an indicator. So are predictions of a Democratic landslide by longtime GOP operatives such as Ed Rollins. McCain backers stand up at rallies to voice their exasperation that he’s not doing enough to win. Obama presents a clear, though hackneyed, message; McCain appears tentative and inconsistent.

Patriotism, taxes and charity

Democratic vice presidential candidate Joe Biden was interviewed on ABC’s Good Morning America last week. With hair plugs set perfectly and dental caps gleaming – or was it the other way around? – Joe was asked by Kate Snow if those odious folks known as the rich should pay more in taxes. His reply:

The truth is not dishonorable

John McCain ran an ad criticizing Barack Obama for supporting sex education for kindergartners. The reaction of Obama and his media sycophants was so vociferous that you might have thought abortion had been curtailed. The ad was described as a total fabrication, swill, truly vile, and one of the sleaziest spots in history.

Obama’s politics of new ideas

Barack Obama maintains he’s the candidate of new ideas. When clinching his party’s nomination, he boasted that it’s “our time to bring new energy and new ideas to the challenges we face.” The senator’s acceptance speech at the convention noted, “Change happens because the American people demand it - because they rise up and insist on new ideas and new leadership, a new politics for a new time.”

Obama condemns (wink, wink) sleazy politics

For readers who might not yet have memorized last week’s column, it consisted of observations from the Democratic Convention’s first day. My intent was to provide something similar this week, but those darn GOPers refused to cooperate and held an abbreviated session Monday. I’m awaiting press reports that Hurricane Gustav was George Bush’s fault.

Convention observations

The first day of the Democratic convention produced fewer attacks than anticipated on the Bush-McCain administration, as it’s now called. Maybe Daddy Yankee’s endorsement of John McCain threw Democrats off their stride. Undoubtedly they’ll make up for lost time over the next three days. Some thoughts after Day 1 of the convention:

Dictatorship we can believe in

Barack Obama wants to be president. Given his authoritarian tendencies, will that be enough for him?

The power of one

Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, who passed away this week, meticulously documented Communist oppression in his books. The subject was one with which he was all too familiar.

Is Obama an alien abductee?

When Obamatons aren’t renting their shirts or tearing out their hair in sheer ecstasy over his total wonderfulness, they must occasionally speculate about what made their hero the hero he is. I mean, other than the “pot (that) had helped, and booze; maybe a little blow (cocaine) when you could afford it” that he admitted to in his book.

Have we gone insane?

Last week’s poll sponsored by Time magazine and the Rockefeller Foundation found 85 percent of the respondents believe the country is on the wrong track. Time’s Web site carried a story on the study that noted:

Smart Hillary bides her time

Hillary Clinton can be accused of many things. Stupidity isn’t one of them. Waiting in the wings, she’s ready to rescue her party if Mr. Wonderful continues to self-destruct.

Obama’s Supreme puzzlement

Tracking Barack Obama’s position on many issues is akin to watching the weather. Stick around a little while and it’ll change. He can make a U-turn faster than a speeding fist bump.

The Mike Bates Independence Day Quiz

Happy Birthday, America. It’s been 232 years since the Declaration of Independence was proclaimed. Take a quick quiz to see how much you know about this statement that changed the world.