WhatFinger


Rape Culture: Rape and inappropriate touching cannot be condoned. But ladies make up your mind, do you or do you not want a level playing field?

Feminists call for equality and then scream "unfair"when they get it



As a woman, a mother and grandmother of girls and boys, I am appalled at the attitude, today, of those women who call themselves feminists or liberated and demand that they be more represented in “male” dominated places of work, including government, but are quick to deny responsibility for behavior.
Yet, while women are knocking on the glass ceiling, complaining about access, they will not take responsibility for their actions after hoisting a glass or two or five. Their attitude reminds me of the comments made by Lord Rabbi Jonathan Sacks “The story of humanity has been for the most part a flight from responsibility. The culprits change. Only the sense of victimhood remains. It wasn’t us… To be human is to seek to escape from responsibility.” Wake up young ladies. You wanted sexual liberation. You got it. But the right to sex with anyone at any time comes with-wait for this-responsibility. We don’t live on Sesame Street or in Mr. Roger’s Neighbourhood. We live in a world where bad things happen-sometimes for no reason and sometimes because we make wrong decisions. There are all kinds of promotions and public awareness campaigns that put the blame of “unwanted” sexual attention on boys/men. For some reason we are pushing a belief that girls/women are not responsible for their actions-that sexual assault is on the male of the species-no matter what the young lady has done. So she drinks too much, or maybe takes too many mind-bending drugs and finds herself in the bedroom of a young man. Not her fault. He should have checked to be sure that she was not too drunk to say “No.” That he is too drunk is of no matter. Women are to be forgiven for being blotto, for losing the ability to edit their actions because they have anesthetized their pre-fontal cortex. But that same right is not accorded to boys/men. When I read about microaggression and sexual assault on campus I question the lessons that we teach our children from the get-go. Life is not all about entitlement-sorry to let the air out of your balloon. Life is a mixture of rights and responsibilities, ladies.

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What were you thinking? Oh wait. You weren’t. You were drunk and it’s his fault.

Let’s start with clothing. I don’t care that you “feel” that you should be able to wear whatever you want and not be misunderstood. Clothing speaks loudly-like manners. If you dress for success, you have a better chance of getting that job. If you choose to wear a T-shirt and go braless and a mini skirt with no panties, attend a frat party, or the bar, drink like there’s no tomorrow and then accept an invitation to go up to that handsome young man’s room (well, he might be handsome, but you might be too far gone to know) at 2 AM and find yourself in a compromising position; what did you expect when you accepted the invitation? Tea and crumpets? What were you thinking? Oh wait. You weren’t. You were drunk and it’s his fault. Why is it not also your fault for being there? He’s just as drunk-and if I may explain biology-his sexual appetites are at his highest-you won’t reach your peak until your thirties-so he’s doing what God made him to do-procreate. And society is putting all the blame on him-not you.

Women want to be treated as equals, then take equal responsibility for your actions

Women want to be treated as equals, then take equal responsibility for your actions. Feminism taught women and men that women are not chattels; that women don’t need their husbands to sign for them –for bank accounts or credit cards. Women are equal. So if equality is what you want, then why are you turning back the clock to the 50’s when you were just the little lady in need of protection? What do you mean you are not responsible for your drinking habits? And parents, where have you been? Our job is to raise our children to be aware of their environment and that actions lead to reactions; that we spend our days making all kinds of decisions. Some good; some not. But we are supposed to learn from those actions. Parents, where are you? How can you send your daughters off to university without teaching them about personal responsibility? We teach our children not to talk to strangers, about inappropriate touching, not to put their fingers in an electric socket or hands on top of a hot stove. We teach them when they are older to evaluate their options. Don’t travel in areas that are known to be dangerous. Don’t dive into water whose depth you haven’t checked. Don’t drink and drive. Drive defensively-because there is no point in being dead right. Be responsible-just as you wouldn’t drive a car while drunk, don’t go into that bedroom inebriated. And I see we now have the White House promoting “It’s On Us” campaign “to help students in every student group or association find a way to be proactive about stopping sexual assault, and to help communities work together better.” The campaign pushes the importance of bystander intervention. Great. But that is a moral stance that should have been inculcated in our children from a very young age. You care for the other as you care for your brother. That is part of the ethic that is the foundation of a thriving democracy. What happened to teaching our children, before they go off to college about defensive drinking? How can parents send their children off to university- knowing they will drink-without immunizing them against over indulgence? How do you send young people away from home for the first without preparing them for the pitfalls of freedom?

Why are we infantilizing women by taking away all responsibility for unwanted sex from them when they choose to drink

So instead of preparing them, especially our young women, we start the blame game. We blame those nasty boys. But the girls-nope. Not their fault at all. They are the blameless victims. Why are we infantilizing women by taking away all responsibility for unwanted sex from them when they choose to drink-because they do choose. They think it’s cool and they lose control but the men get the criminal record for not seeking consent. How is it that we ask our young men to remain in charge of their behavior, while drunk, but not our women? This issue has now entered the insanity of political correctness. A man writes that drunk women are a big problem on campus and at Frat houses and he gets fired. The University of Ottawa suspends all the hockey players for alleged actions by two of their players. But the young woman who drank and ended up in the room-she has learned, again, that she is not responsible for any of her decisions. How will that help her or others in the future? Yes, there is rape and inappropriate touching. And that cannot be condoned. But ladies make up your mind, do you or do you not want a level playing field? If you do, then you must take responsibility for your actions.


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Diane Weber Bederman -- Bio and Archives

Diane Weber Bederman is a blogger for ‘Times of Israel’, a contributor to Convivium, a national magazine about faith in our community, and also writes about family issues and mental illness. She is a multi-faith endorsed hospital trained chaplain.


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