by William Bedford
May 18, 2004
The French have forbidden their public school students to wear any religious symbols while they are on school property. The U.S. is trying to pass a bill making English its only official language. Mexico prohibits its Catholic priests from wearing their religious garments in public, and over in Zimbabwe, Robert Mugabe goes the whole 10 yards by jailing or murdering anyone who disagrees with his lunatic campaign to destroy a once vibrant economy. When we look at all this intolerance going on around the world, it should make us thankful that we live in Canada, where, even if we have a few cashews going around vandalizing Jewish property, and a few politicians using the treasury as their own personal checking accounts, we can still boast about being the only country in the world that seems hell-bent on being tolerant of everything under the sun. Everything, that is, so long as it's not Canadian.
The Toronto District School Board is a case in point. The TDSB is considering, yet again, changing the Christmas school break to "winter break," so, they say, as not to offend the myriad ethnic and non-Christian students in Toronto's class rooms. If they succeed in their idiotic scheme, can an official "holiday tree" be far behind? and how will all this political correctness foster national unity when "small-town Canada," which probably thinks multiculturalism is something they might catch if they don't eat their veggies, will continue to have a Christmas break.
anyway, if we are determined to create a truly multicultural Canada, there's no need to round up a bunch of eggheads, to form a committee in the usual, time-wasting, Canadian way, to study these multicultural problems. Heck! I could do it all by myself with a few strokes of a pen. and I wouldn't stop at just changing Christmas!
I'd change some of the other things that are causing so many unhappy campers here at home, and getting us some very bad press in such enlightened places as Haiti, Iran, and North Korea. Here, free of charge, is my list of 10 simple changes, which, if implemented, will prove to the whole world that Canada is indeed a paragon of tolerance and accommodation unmatched anywhere else in the world.
1): Every female student in public school must wear a headscarf; and every male student must carry a small knife.
2): Every school day will begin with the singing of "O Holiday Tree" to be followed by the reading on alternate days--of a verse or two from the Bible, the Koran. The Bhagavad Gita, Das Kapital, Mein Kamf, Who's Who in Burkina Faso and alice in Wonderland
3): all students will be required to recite a passage from the wit and wisdom of Osama bin Laden, and to meditate silently for one minute on the Goddess aphrodite while facing East York five times a day.
4): Teach all junior grades that Canada was founded on Judeo-Christian-Hindu-Islamic-Green-peace-Peter Principles.
5): Institute a mid-February holiday and call it Cuckoo Day.
6): Make Friday and Saturday Sabbath Days. (Who could object to a three-day-Sabbath?) 7): Make Swahili and Tagalog official languages.
8): Move Easter to the end of april and rename it Bud-Popping-Time.
9): Replace the Maple Leaf on the flag with a rainbow.
10): Change the name of Canada to Oz and appoint a wizard instead of a Governor General. This is just a partial list of the things we'll have to change if we are ever to become a true multicultural society. I'm sure that many others will be only too glad to add their own suggestions for changing Canada for the better. We are constantly complaining that we don't have a distinct identity, well; these simple changes will give us a truly distinct one. a little wacko maybe, but distinct, all the same.
all together now: (with apologies to Bobby Gimby). "Politically Correct, multicultural, multilingual Ca- Na- Da, we love you!"
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