by arthur Weinreb, associate Editor,
January 5, 2004
Dear Jean:
Most Canadians, especially Liberals, which of course are most Canadians, are glad that you have gone. Personally, I’m going to miss you. You and your mediocre cabinet, not to mention your fully House-broken trained seals on the back benches, have been a source of numerous ideas for my Canadafreepress.com/Toronto Free Press columns. and now, not only have you gone but Paul Martin has gotten rid of my favourite cabinet ministers.
David Collenette whose obsession with choo-choo trains kept his mind off bemoaning the demise of the brutal and repressive Soviet Union--gone. Sheila Copps, whose mouth always moved faster than her brain--gone. allan Rock who badly mishandled compensation of Hepatitis C victims, panicked about imagined anthrax attacks and will ever be known as the father of the zillion dollar gun registry--gone. Tubby Caplan (I’m a firm believer in equality and diversity and do not restrict the name "Tubby" to white males like Conrad Black)--gone. Herb Dhaliwal, the SUV-loving environmentalist--gone. Defense Minister John McCallum who doesn’t know his Vimy from his Vichy--demoted. Whatever can I write about now?
No, Jean I really am going to miss you. Look who Paul Martin put in his cabinet. His two most powerful ministers are Ralph Goodale and anne McLellan. How can anyone possibly make fun of Ralph Goodale? The guy is so straight it’s a wonder that they let him have a Liberal Membership Card, let alone a powerful cabinet position. and anne McLellan--she is probably the only female Liberal member that, when she stands up and speaks, isn’t a living example of why there aren’t more women in your caucus.
But most of all, Jean, I’m going to miss you and the wealth of information that you have provided me over the years. John F. Kennedy once said, "ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country". You once said, "Da proof is da proof and when you have da good proof, it’s proven". Come on--there’s no comparison.
I once wrote a column entitled, "You can’t get there from here" about your inability to get from B.C. to Jordan for the funeral of King Hussein. a reader complimented me on my creativity in making up all those reasons why you couldn’t make it to Jordan. and I had to tell him that I didn’t make them up--you did. Some people accused me of making you out to be an idiot. But Jean, we both know I’m not that good. The fact is that you are an idiot; I just wrote about it. Life will never be the same, at least for me, now that you have vacated 24 Sussex.
Then again, there is still some hope. Foreign affairs Minister Bill Graham is still around. Guess it was too difficult for Paul to remove him from that high fence that he constantly sits on. Canadians can still hold their collective breaths when the next world crisis appears for Bill Graham to tell us what Kofi annan tells him to do. Unless peace suddenly breaks out in the Middle East, Graham will be good for a few more columns. and although it’s hard to see any of the present ministers rising to the level of a Collenette or a Copps, there may be some hope. I haven’t been able to take a shot at Carolyn Bennett since I wrote "Dr. Grimm--Medicine Woman" about the compensation of Hepatitis C victims. Bennett has potential now that she’s in the cabinet.
Then of course there’s the big guy himself. With his "umming" and "awwwing" and attempting to imitate the right wing fanatic that he’s not--hey, things might not be that bad after all.
You came to power by lying to Canadians about the Free Trade agreement and the GST and then kept right on lying during your 10-year reign of sleaze. But when I look at all the Ontario voters who are shocked that Liberal leader Dalton McGuinty lied to them about the Oak Ridges Moraine and Hydro rates, I begin to think that maybe you didn’t stay around long enough.
But you did provide me with a lot of material for this column and I’ll always be grateful.
Thank you Jean, merci beaucoup.