It’s been a long while since I have seen anything out of Hollywood worth watching. It gives me cause to wonder if creativity is dead, given that all the latest "blockbusters" emanating from that haven of culture are mostly remakes. Never mind remakes, but remakes of some really bad stuff.
Try The Dukes of Hazzard on for size. When it was a TV series it was bad enough, but to remake it into a feature length movie? I think the only reason it even made it to the theaters is that it offered some gratuitous views of Jessica Simpson’s gluteus.
Then there’s Bewitched, which was arguably one of the tamest TV comedies of all time, being made into a movie. Poor Nicole Kidman. She must be really hard up for work to agree to take the part.
Last week I saw a trailer for the remake of The Poseidon adventure. In true Hollywood form, the trailer gave away the whole story in just under 30 seconds. The original Poseidon adventure wasn’t much to write home about, so now they’re taking another run at it.
What is it that has caused the film industry to be unable to come up with anything that’s original, never mind thought provoking? My guess is that movies are now being made strictly as cash cows. It seems the plots and action of today’s movies are made to reflect the mentality of the average high school dropout. Most films released today are successful because the distribution company spends nearly as much hyping the film as it cost to produce it.
The plots of most "original" films are as predicable as the phases of the moon. actually, more so. Take your average action film. The plot consists of evil (pick one) neo-Nazis, arab Terrorists, white supremacists, power-hungry dictators or renegade intelligence agents hatching a plot to (pick one) take over the world, destroy civilization, nuke New York City, enslave a continent, hold the President of the United States for ransom or create a fundamentalist Christian theocracy. The plot is ultimately foiled by (pick one) a renegade intelligence agent, a disaffected alcoholic cop, a fearless Secret Service agent, a male and female cop who hate each other or a scientist who creates a device that disarms the bad guys.
In the process we are treated to a veritable buffet of violence and special effects that defy the ability to suspend one’s disbelief. This could include any or all of (pick as many as you like) car crashes, shootings, bombings, stabbings, plane crashes, death-defying leaps, fistfights, martial arts encounters etc. It usually ends in about 98 minutes with the heroes triumphing over the villains and (pick one) falling in love, stopping drinking, getting one’s job back, getting promoted and telling the boss to shove it, getting the Nobel Prize in science (okay, so I made up the last one, but you get what I mean).
There are some good films out there that deserve to be watched and thought about. However, they are few and far between and when one finally encounters such a film, then the audience is rude and unruly, causing much of the film to be lost. There’s the usual (pick one or more) cell phone ringing, guy talking throughout the movie, fistfight, noisy popcorn eater, pager going off repeatedly, giggling teenage girls or a couple having a steamy encounter in the front row.
It’s gotten to where one can’t even trust the critics any more. almost every film that’s advertised has a "two thumbs up" review. Whose thumbs are they talking about and why are they "up"? Some of the quotes by the critics that surround the ad campaigns for these films need to be read in full, or they could me misleading. Take the quote "stunning & brilliant", which you’ll find in many ads for upcoming films. But when you read the context in which the quoted critic wrote these words, they mean something entirely different as in "a film of stunning ignorance. a brilliant impersonation of a movie."
I’ve long ago figured out that life is best lived, not watched. If you want to titillate your intellect, read a book and stay away from the movies. at least that way your own imagination can create the pictures that accompany the words.