The Fab Four trotted out their sweeping plan and let the really big shoe drop on the massive mind-blowing and sophisticated Democratic power play designed to rocket the scintillating Democratic hopes for a resurrection to dictatorial power into the living rooms of common folk and directly into the voting machines of america--where the new favorite Democratic constituents, the citizens of Mexico as well as the good old solid base--will weep and go weak at its simplicity and pull the levers of approval in November, signaling its sublime acceptance. Republicans, finally sensing power, and tired of their ho-hum lives of conservative drudgery and the many Bush failures and signs of total incompetence, will join in its triumphant affirmation and see its clarity instantaneously with its final release.
"ayuh," as they say in Maine, while the go-getters chortled "yup," in unison when Wes Clark demanded a cold Coca Cola with a lot of ice before he launched into a long meaningless inculpation about the dangers he faced in the Green Room on the Fox News front during his meandering critique of Ms. albright's concerns about Harry Reid's corrections of Nancy Pelosi's initial but meaningless draft--days before it was time for the stratagem to be unveiled and beamed into every liberal journalist's skull and into every raucous left-wing commentator's mind for those immaculately cloned instant talking points--just like the latest official words applied to the andy Card dropkick, or was it a punt, but all agree that it wasn't a forward pass, just "musical chairs."
The world has been holding its breath for quite awhile as the premier Democratic brain trust, or what passes for it anyway in the small print on power boost cans and in the larger print on Capitol doors, has been cobbling together the plan which will catapult their ponderous amplitude, large numbers of hangers on, Hollywood script writers attuned to every man, strident gun control activists, Chavez and Castro worshippers, folks just itching to get current added to the high numbers in their cable line-up, Red Greens, flagging but not yet down and out Howard Dean Presidential supporters, part-time whale song interpreters, avid listeners to air america, laid-off psychic healers, investors in Senatorial citizenship futures and the like back on easy street, and give them all a direct line to the power brokers running america.
Yep, the plan, as announced by that lively pillar to diatomaceous earth and asymmetric warfare, Harry Reid and his naughty sidekick, the Venus de Milo of the smart set and George Bush's shadow at every one of his State of the Union addresses, Nancy Pelosi, is quite something, and both are the headpieces to the staff of Ra in their combined clear thinking and grasp of pretty much everything america is looking for from the party in opposition to everything from war and peace. But the actual blue pencil flourishes and erasures left on the serried sheets of legal paper which formed the foundation of the plan were courtesy of the deep crystallized thoughts of Madeleine albright--who engineered China's recovery in the space race thanks to Bill Clinton and Loral and who helped get North Korea back on their nuclear feet due to her Franklin Roosevelt new deal on their behalf-- and the perpetually shadow boxing and punchy Wes Clark.
Wes, a former four star Clinton appointee, has been considered a Presidential contender for a brief period of time, and has since been currying favor with leading Democrats for any open job at all that'll drag him back into the bright lights--Vice President, Defense Secretary, agriculture or National Security advisor--until Sandy Berger can refurbish his name, reputation and re-hem his under garments for a tighter fit and has his records sealed. But Sandy was indeed the fifth man on the program formulation, just like the movie. He was there and thought it all up for Wes to sign, Nancy to understand, Harry to try to memorize and for Madeleine to claim it was hers.
So the five bomberos, in the new language of solidarity--minus one--are offering a smarter redeployment of US forces, a real bugbear and barnburner, a lot more spies, something that every liberal has scoffed at and smeared since Jimmy Carter and his soaring CIa mastermind Stansfield Turner decided to get rid of them, and the key final ingredient designed to allay everybody's suspicions that the whole rotten crowd of shirkers has been Cottonelle soft on national defense--the elimination of the white-robed aK-74 clutching and smirking Osama bin-Laden. Yep, the same Osama that's been identified by the few remaining spies as the mastermind behind a predominant number of our terror troubles, except for those generated by George Bush, who has been identified by Sandy Berger and the rest of the liberal Democrats as the terrorist in chief, who represents to the scions of progressive grandiloquence an even graver threat to the world than that piker and babe in the woods, Y'Osama.
as we look at the plan we have to remember to parse it out. We need to remember the meaning of "is" and "was" and yes, "Siam." By failing to parse, there is no plan. and you know the Democrats, they're a between the lines and sheets sort of folks. Now parse, dammit!
What a grand plan, witty, urbane and very well thought out, with almost every delicate detail the Democrats are proposing being--completely invisible! How the hell will anybody know how many spies we have because spies are secret, unless some liberal darling rats them out. and in this case the liberals are going to put them in, so nobody from the left will turn fink.
Spies. Cloak and dagger. What a treat. Valerie Plame will be back undercover in no time. Joe Wilson will be Deputy Director for Plans at the CIa in a flash. Imagine the spies. Every Democrat loose in the world will claim they're protected by the secrets' act, including Bill Clinton, after he buys that sinking newspaper chain and starts printing made up stories from incredibly secret sources which he is unable to disclose to anybody. Babs Streisand will be a spy. alec Baldwin--spy. Weird al Franken--spy. al Gore--spymaster and the model for The Spy Who Loved Me. Schmyert Schpionam to every Republican.
Washington will be literally dripping with spies--so many spies that not one Democrat can ever be questioned about anything having to do with national defense by a living Republican again. Hugo and Fidel will eventually be unmasked as american spies and will be given even bigger liberal stipends than they receive today and given parades in D.C. with Jimmy Carter grinning his toothy face off through the singing of The Internationale. Viva la revolucion!
Getting back to the redeployment of forces and the old Clintonian Democrat parsing trick, the Democrats'll redeploy all of our--nuclear submarines! That way nobody will be able to see or know where anything is going and they can still say that they redeployed thousands of men, billions of dollars of materiel and hundreds of nuclear and cruise missiles, and they'll be able to respond to anything Honduras, albania and the bowmen of Fenwick can throw at us. and they've honest to God really done it this time, but unfortunately, it just can't be seen because it all took place--underwater! But it's a big hit with all the ostriches! It works perfectly!
But the Osama bit is a tough one. But we've got to remember that fantastic sleight of hand again. Sure the Democrats want to eliminate the hated Osama, but eliminate him from what? There isn't a Democrat alive in a leadership position anywhere above the village level who'll dare to send red-blooded american soldiers into the field in what might be an expensive, long, difficult, problematic, dirty, dangerous, casualty rich search for a mountain madmen living in the wilds with his crazy suicide prone people. He might have the Hydrogen bomb for Christ's sake! He might use it on us!
No sirree. Rather than tackle Osama in the Hindu Kush or Tora Bora, the liberal hosers will eliminate Osama from all the easy places and molecular spaces he currently inhabits, like the New York Times, CNN, the Sunday morning shows they control, MSNBC, air america, the public school systems, Move.On.org's web site, Ted Kennedy's servers, al Gore's idiotic ravings, Howard Dean's gagged up nonsensical blubberings, Hillary Clinton's arching rhetoric and scriptural pontifications, train station graffiti, left-wing single's want ads, soldier's letter's home and all the e-sites, newsletters and slowly flooding archipelagos they still control. See, they can get rid of Osama in no time. They'll just rub him out of our memory. New think.
The manufactured fairy-tale polls by Gallup, aBC and the New York Times will go through the roof. and since everybody's a spy, they won't be able to reveal anything about the methodology except to say that the Democrats have scored big with the moderates, those intending to vote and the folks sitting on the wire, and everything is trending up. and since the submarines are all under a thousand feet of water, we'll just have to trust the new Democrats--the rock-hard party of real solid all-american defense!
ah, the Democrats finally have the plan. It's been a long time coming. and now it's out. and as expected, it's mostly out of sight and a play on words. But watch out for the parsing, it'll kill us and keep the enemy alive.
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