The way I see it, life as we know it is headed for the glowing nuclear waste dump the longer that Mr. ahmadinejad of Iran is allowed to brew his plutonium cocktails and package them to go.
Meanwhile, it is being seriously reported by some ecological outfit that 16,000 species, kicking off with polar bears and hippos, not the home grown fast food fed variety but the ones that lol around in enforced indolence in the Nile, are facing imminent and total annihilation if everyone fails to see al Gore's turgid new movie and doesn't visit the Clinton library's green room, or was it the wedding wing, well, anyway, the end is nigh upon us and we must repent.
So, we are supposed to watch the cirrus clouds, chart the contrails, check the tide lines, rescue the turtles, and listen to the Geographic Channel tell us about the terror of the disappearing glaciers while the Iranians ready themselves for our armageddon.
I mean, really, are we going to lasso the hippos and the polar bears and drag the dumb brutes to some sort of safety and do all that work while Mahmoud and his merry band of black turbaned pranksters are eating falafel in the warhead storage shed while the mad scientists puzzle out the proper array of MIRV warheads, or are they MaRV's--I'm not close enough to read the printing on the boxes--on top of a four stage Shahab missile capable of reaching Europe, flattening London, wrecking all of our regional bases and destroying Israel?
Oh, probably, if Ted Kennedy, the peaceniks, Cindy Sheehan, Nancy Pelosi, John Kerry, Howard "Howlin' Mad" Dean, wheezing Harry Reid and the rest of the fez sporting Spanish speaking Mexican touting shadow boxing Democratic ostriches have anything to say about it.
Ooh, better watch out.
all the jaw boning by these bird brains is sure going to frighten the mercury kneading Mad Hatter from Tehran, or whatever his latest moniker at the NSa is, and push him back from the nuclear brink to his padded easy chair in front of al-Jazeera TV, where he dons his slubby slippers and sips tea from his oversized Carter for President mug, purloined from the US Embassy during Mr. Peanut's years of tribulation.
Nope, he's going to load up his warehouses, bunkers, missile silos and chicken coops with every single nuke he can assemble. and once he has the warheads ready, he'll pack them with fissile material, slap 'em atop his rockets, lower them into the silos and, presto, he's ready to offer us the end of the world as we know it, in full color with powered sub-woofers.
and Mahmoud, being a tea totalling kamikaze down in his heart, unlike Mr. Carter, whose name is Jimmy, will use these six billion species ending weapons whenever he spies an opening in paradise and can grab the elevator and punch the up button.
In fact, he's planning to and it's coming to a continent nearby real soon.
and, despite the concerns raised about the polar ice, its denizens and the Egyptian fauna, a good solid nuclear exchange between Iran, Israel, and the USa, with Russia and France and maybe Britain thrown in for good measure would create a pretty serious problem for Madam Gaia, from head to toe. The bears and the hippos, to say nothing about the birds, bees and the paramecia, and the weeping peacenik hacks, be damned.
But let's pretend, in a dual flight of abject fancy and intoxication, that Mr. ahmadinejad doesn't push the button at his first sense of ennui, and that a recently reticent President Bush has recovered from his prolonged bout of sleep walking and has reasserted the Bush doctrine with some surprising vigor and violates Iranian airspace with extreme prejudice, to offer a surprise raid of major significance.
Beyond the cry of horror rending the air from the cowardly Democrats, who weep for the death of dictators, their spawn, and the ruination of their infernal machines as no others save the bears and the hippos, and their stalking horses, what additional fallout could be expected?
Can waves of cruise missiles, stealth fighters, B-2 bombers, B-1 bombers, maybe even Bob Dornan outfitted with a sack of grenades thrown in for good measure, bunker busting bombs, with some Wild Weasels, a favorable battlefield genus, and Ea-6B Prowlers, to cook additional species in the barnyard with their jammers, and the like have an impact on Iran's nuclear program?
Initial reports indicate that they sure as hell would.
as for Mr. ahmadinejad's Weltanschauung, it's a bit too early to tell. But his species may one of the early ones to disappear if his people get riled up enough and grow tired of his saber rattling, bomb-ifying and the associated wrecking of the electrical infrastructure resulting from his knavery.
We can only hope.
as for the world's pre-eminent climatologists?
Let them examine the madmen from Tehran before they holler too loudly at me for daring to drive a six cylinder Jeep.
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