Vicente Fox is very pleased, indeed. The americans have done everything that he had asked for and far more.
John McCain, Mr. Fox's valuable arizona ally, had been riding the range repeatedly for Mr. Fox, drumming up support, casting this travesty of a bill in the finest words imaginable, while dressing up the millions of unskilled identity stealing scofflaws as upstanding members of every community.
and Christopher Dodd, the Rough Rider from Connecticut, who used to rely on the post-prandial restoratives offered by Senator Kennedy for his courage in approaching shy waitresses, laid the final fatted calf on the altar – giving Mexico the final say in all matters related to the hated fence with his brilliant insertion of a late night amendment.
as Mr. Fox sat on the edge of his upscale adjustable hotel bed while on his US tour, he gazed fondly at the photograph which marked his surprising success in hoodwinking the well dressed leaders of america's upper house.
The picture showed a slightly befuddled but sartorially sleek Senator Kennedy beginning his well rehearsed speech thanking his fellow senators for their foresight in welcoming the millions of migratory mestizos to their open arms and an outline of the massive increase in big government he envisioned to care for the needs of these poor downtrodden people.
and flanking him, Mr. Fox spied most of his late night callers for advice – John McCain, always ready for a long story of vast personal courage, arlen Specter, not quite ready for prime time shadow boxing, Pat Leahy, from far off Vermont with a penchant for loud perfume, Dick Turban, with the ready simper and many barnyard jokes, and Mr. Bill Frist, frosty at first, but a true believer in the totally open border and more rights for the immigrants than for the silly american citizens, once you got to know him – all smiles and laughter.
It had not been easy for Senor Vicente Fox these past few weeks. all was not tasty tacos, tostadas, Dos Equis, and pan dulce.
Many nights Mr. Fox had had to calm a jittery John McCain, who feared that his more outlandish plans for the complete restructuring of US society might not pass the senate.
at other points in the long journey, Mr. Fox had to spend long hours on the phone with a deeply concerned arlen Specter, who felt that the senate version of the immigration bill didn't go far enough and wanted Mr. Fox to think of more ways that the US could accommodate Mexico, beyond the wiping clean of criminal acts, doing away with two of five years of back taxes, going easy on employers, and the rest of the ridiculously easy terms for instant citizenship.
Could the US cede Texas, arizona, Utah, New Mexico, California, Louisiana, Florida, alaska and New York to Mexico, Mr. Fox asked Mr. Specter, after listening to all the ways that Mexico would benefit, taking Mr. Specter at his word?
Well, Mr. Specter advised him, that might be too much to ask right now, but give us a bit of time and we'll see. You know the President is with us on this, and things are looking good. We just have to crush the dolts in the House, who still seem to think that US laws amount to something and that the american people are worth protecting nowadays.
I can imagine your concern, Mr. Fox went on, I don't want to appear pushy.
Then he received that late night call from Mr. Dodd, who appeared to be in his cups, even though everyone swears that he isn't.
Right off the bat, Mr. Dodd began by saying that Mr. Fox would soon be on Mount Rushmore, for his contributions to america, his dedication to democracy, and his steadfast friendship. In fact, he said Mr. Fox was fast becoming another Mr. Lincoln, and was freeing his people to become part of the greatest american give-away in all history. Bigger than the Marshall Plan, which Vicente had never heard of, and bigger than the Great Society, which Mr. Fox had and which the US is still paying for. and what's a little more on the tab, Mr. Dodd hollered over the scratchy TelMex phone line – Vicente wisely refused to give Mr. Dodd his cell phone number, he might call him at home, or at pool side and disrupt a family gathering.
But then Senator Dodd surprised him. He would add an amendment, an addition to the bill, which would allow El Presidente Fox and his pals in what passes as the Mexican government the right of refusal on any and all future tinkering with any part of the border fence. What a boon, what a guy, what a muchacho Senator Dodd turned out to be.
So El Presidente Fox appended the famous name, the Three Mesquiteers, to those special men who had done so much for Mexico, her irregular migrants, as the rapporteurs at the UN describe this great northern influx – Mr. McCain, Mr. Specter and Mr. Dodd.
When Mexico is again in full control of the border lands and has occupied New Mexico, arizona and California, Mr. Fox promises to allow the three apocalyptic horsemen to go riding in what was once the United States, whenever they desire.
and someday we'll see the architects of this future, the Three Mesquiteers, if the resistance in the House of Representatives collapses, riding the rim rocks on their steeds in gaucho outfits, huge sombreros blowing in the wind, their silver accoutrements flashing in the sun, singing lusty songs about a long lost country, thanks to their perfect perfidy.
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