By John Burtis
Thursday, July 27, 2006
With all the fighting going on in southern Lebanon, with Hezbollah shooting rockets into Israel, with crack armored brigades of the IDF making future Vice Presidential contender and Hillary hopeful Wes Clark fill a drool cup as only large mechanized units can, John "Live Shot" Kerry took a break from the vast, ongoing, indepth investigation of his murky Cambodian adventures, he's forced to undertake, to perform a wet your whistle stop at Honest John's Bar and No Grill in Detroit to stump, mind you, for the faltering campaign of Governor Jennifer Granholm.
and while there, Mr. Kerry hoped, as did his truncated traveling staff, that he'd get some needed press illustrating his incredible grasp of international power politics, and be able to show that he knows the difference between Hamas, Hezbollah, moolahs, and Manny Ortiz.
and after his eyes became accustomed to the perpetual twilight inside the famed bar on Detroit's Cass Corridor, Mr. Smallweed threw his past positions on Iraq, his previous calls for retreat, and not a few sheets to the wind, and started tossing off a few whoppers to the assembled press, cameramen, party regulars, local aficionados, tequila tasters, unemployed motor heads, cops, and party hearties who'd been dragooned for his latest burlesque.
Yes, Mr. Kerry was on top of his existential game in that storied tap room as he waxed poetic about what he would have done if only the people, those doggoned people, hadn't abandoned him in 2004 and gone for Mr. Bush in such a big way.
Still smarting from the failure of the exit polls to trump the actual voting results, the lack of felons in the ballot mix, and the gradual elimination of the dead from the rolls, Mr. Kerry explained that, "If I was President, this wouldn't have happened." Certainly not.
The wags and pundits have gone wild with this particular turn of phrase, claiming that under Mr. Kerry's firm guidance we might all be enrolled in a Madrassa school by now, with sales of the good book Quran eclipsing anything by Dan Brown, and on and on.
But not content to continue whining about his recent and still troubling loss, and the problems with the continual Swift Boat presentation of facts, Mr. Kerry decided to throw down a glove and to go on a solid offensive against the dreaded international terror cartel taking pot shots at Israel despite a plethora of UN resolutions and slap downs — Hezbollah, the Party of God.
You know Hezbollah, the boyos who run in step dressed in green with the yellow flags, blow themselves up with regularity on Israeli busses, launch missiles made in Iran and Syria and maybe Russia and even China from Lebanon, love the current knockoffs of Joe Stalin's favorite Katyusha rockets, and kidnap folk for fun and profit. Those boys.
and now we find that they've put a bone in Mr. Kerry's craw, too - the same Mr. Kerry who wants to get us away from fighting in Iraq, who wants us to run home from the war on terror, who prefers a quick calling of victory and a beating of feet for home, who voted against funding the war after he voted for it, that old pal of Honest John Murtha, or some such. You see, Mr. Smallweed from Massachusetts saw the light last Sunday for a few minutes in the Motor City, or so he claims.
Now, with some new steel in his plasticine spine, thanks to some handy courage courtesy of the heady atmosphere and the ready inventory afloat in Honest John's, Mr. Kerry now calls for a greater military offensive than the one we are currently embroiled in, shunning his recent reluctance to fight anywhere for anything of value or american lives.
"Hezbollah guerillas should have been targeted with the other terrorist organizations, such as al-Qaida and the Taliban…We have to destroy Hezbollah."
Forsaking all of his other speeches on the great follies of the Bush administration, forgetting his torpid folderol on the wrong war in the wrong place for the all wrong reasons, and briefly turning his back on his trusted paladins in the anti-war crowd, a newly minted John Kerry, at least in the confines of Honest John's, no relation, has declared war on Hezbollah, al-Qaeda, and the Taliban.
(One wonders if smoking is allowed in Honest John's. and if so, what variety of combustibles is fouling the air.)
Has Mr. Kerry seen the danger that Hezbollah represents to Israel in particular and that which all manner of terror offers to every one of us?
Or has Mr. Smallweed merely tailored another down and dirty speech to the narrow confines of a major city's popular tap room and its noon hour denizens and then, like the tested hack he has shown himself to be in Boston and in the confines of the Capitol, moved on - and having left, forgotten it all.
Only time will tell if this new champion of the people will still be crying out for Hezbollah's blood by the end of the week after monotonically braying in defiance of his party, Cindy Sheehan, Russ Feingold, the far left base, the New York Times, DailyKos, George Soros, MoveOn.Org, and now, shockingly, with Joe Lieberman, who he was against before he was suddenly supporting him.
Yep, Mr. Smallweed has declared war on Hezbollah and I bet they're just shaking in their boots until he turns against those fighting them.
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