By John Burtis
Sunday, July 30, 2006
affronted by the steadfast US support for Israel, shamed by the raucous fumbling around by the Dear Leader, Kofi annan, who has done nothing but blink in the bright lights and utter nonsense, and shocked by the latest loss of their blue caps as a result of their steadfast refusal to make any decision at all despite the preponderance of evidence that a war is raging, the UN has now targeted the US with their affenpinschers of war.
Sure ‘n begorrah we could see it coming, too. Especially from the craven bunch of toffs who occupy the high rent bordellos in the Turtle Bay superstructure. They're the kind of fellows who'd hide behind their doors and yip while sending their coy dogs to nip at your heels and then brazenly ask who left the door open when confronted with the errant mutt and the collar tag.
But face to face?
You'd never catch Mr. Malloch-Brown or Mr. Kofi annan daring to sit down and have it out with you. No, they're far too cowardly and skittish for that. Plus, you might, in a fit of pique at their dastardly behavior, fail to send them their salary monies, and then where would they be.
Why, they'd be looking at the want ads like the rest of us. Or they'd be reduced to penury overnight and forced to live off their ill gotten gains and their fancy retirements. Perhaps even to, gasp, look for work in the dreaded private sector, where they'd be reduced to huffing and puffing away in an office where their achievements would be measured in six month increments and they'd face firing for failing to toe a company line or two.
Oh, my no, not Kofi and Mr. Buster Brown in a boardroom.
But these boyos have got to send a message or two to the good old USa who is, after all, paying entirely too much of their salaries, operating costs, illicit drug front money and shipping costs, Benan Sevan's retirement and hush money, Kojo's hotel bills and the rest of the shabby accounting practices which dog any clear understanding of where Uncle Sap's money really goes in the Rube Goldberg apparatus that masquerades as ledgers, debits, and credits.
and this message has to be subtle, but not too subtle, just enough to make it big in the lock step liberal press, which will print anything deleterious to Mr. Bush, the war on terror, Israel, red state america, honest working people, the remaining few who still pay taxes, legal residents, folks with a clean criminal record, and people who hold the founding fathers in some regard and view Bill Clinton with a profound and healthy circumspection.
and this attack, like the ones the vicious Israelis are delivering on the poor oppressed members of Hezbollah, who are only killing Israelis out of their abiding love of country, respect for the teachings of the Quran, and their touching appreciation for the past praises of that common farmer of legumes, Mr. Jimmy Carter, must be delivered on at least two fronts.
So, on Friday the UN Human Rights Committee demanded that the United States end capital punishment, immediately extend full representation to the downtrodden citizens in the District of Colombia, and improve the treatment extended to the poor and black citizens affected by Hurricane Katrina.
Whoa, there, boys and girls. Without a word chastising the human rights giants like Cuba, China, Iran, North Korea, Buffalo Bob Mugabe's Zimbabawe, the Congo, and Hugo Chevez - who pay no attention to the empty suits from Turtle Bay save for their freakish comments - the UN, in a tit for tat for our support for Israel, jumps right in to our internal affairs and crawls all over us making just a few snide demands. and for their troubles they're rewarded with big write-ups, headlines and the like. and every newsroom busybody from David Gregory to Helen Thomas, to say nothing of CNN, and that paragon of accepted decency and fact, the New York Times, will make hay and a little straw out of this joke and forget the sturdy membership of this central "committee" and praesidium.
and then, when we all thought the UN just couldn't do enough to help us in our hour of need, the UN announces that the almost unbearable task of recruiting "peace keepers" has grown even more onerous with "Washington's" failure to condemn the killing of the four peacekeepers that the UN themselves left out in the open, next to a Hezbollah rocket battery, in the middle of war zone, during an artillery duel, after two weeks of heavy fighting between those two sworn enemies — the IDF and Hezbollah. and all this comes after the UN itself knew that Hezbollah was launching missiles from locations as close as three meters from their now flattened outpost.
ah, the UN is indeed using their affenpinschers to go after us, high and low, for our decided support of the Israelis.
Yep, we supported those doggone Israelis after they did the unthinkable — they actually went after the jamokes who were killing them for months after they had vacated Lebanon and Gaza, had the UN approve the withdrawal, had everybody sign on and presto — they still were getting murdered.
Imagine the cheek.
But then again, how long does one allow neighborhood thugs to kill members of your family before you've had enough and retaliate.
and only in this topsy-turvy Clinton-Carter-albright-Warren Christopher world do we ask someone in this position to go easy on the killers, not to go overboard, to reign it in after a few days, not to upset the arab street, don't entice the New York Times into another slanted fact absent editorial, not to enrage Chris Mathews, not to pique Hillary, nor perplex that lion of the Senate — Senor Edward M. Kennedy (D-Luxe).
ah, the UN has unleashed the affenpinschers of war and we must endure these yawping pests, our torn socks, and their biting the hand that feeds them until we kick the whole unseemly and sordid crowd out of america for good and return the land to good use, like say, the pigeons.
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