By John Burtis
Tuesday, august 15, 2006
Torn between the recent bi-polar melt-down in Connecticut, which featured a geezer wearing a neck tie on a 14" collar named Ned Lamont, who played flanker to al Sharpton's quarterback, and the real face of actual terror, a band of Islamo-fascists who were playing for keeps with liquid explosives designed to down a dozen US airliners taking off from England and smash them into a heated atlantic, the Democrats have just ordered tons of pure white sand.
and the latest calls for more fine silicate from the Democrats have become quite frantic.
We're told that deliveries must be made soon, trucks are lining up, their smoky diesels are polluting al Gore's crystal clear air, and glaciers are receding more rapidly as the maws of giant bucket loaders drop tons of pure white sand into the gigantic Caterpillar 797B's, which will be rolling into Washington D.C. by Wednesday to dump their precious loads in the Capitol and in surrounding towns in northern Virginia.
John Kerry, Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid all agree — the sand must be clean. It should be capable of muffling noise and speech, and it ought to be comfortable. It should smell nice and provide superior insulating qualities. It should come in different flavors, scents and textures. It should clean up nicely. It should go well with suits, ties, argyll socks, straw boaters, Bermuda bucks, botox shots, Lauren polo shirts, Coach bags, Nantucket red shorts, Lily Pulitzer get ups, false eyelashes, Madras sport coats — typical Democratic summer senatorial sartorial fare. and it should not overly disturb any of the "do's" which many of the famous "national leaders," like Mr. al Sharpton, have adapted in their efforts to be better recognized in a crowd.
Nope, Los alamos is out. It sends the wrong message to everybody, but especially to the top Democratic leadership, MoveOn.org, the Taliban, DailyKos, Hezbollah, Harry Reid, George Soros, Mr. Barney Frank, Hamas, felons, illegal aliens, the dead, and the other key core members of the new Democratic Party.
Calls must be made, and right away. Time is drawing to a close and the old Democratic howls about the dirty, filthy and cheating Republicans using the latest thwarted attack as so much political "posturing" is falling on increasingly deaf ears.
I mean, really, how puny is the story about the death spirals of twelve packed airliners, the 47 people suspects that we now know about, the 24 in custody, undetectable liquid explosives, mean dudes involved from Pakistan, worse dudes in England, some dude working inside the airport, maybe some more jamokes in the good old USa, really big plans, long lead times, maybe a connection or two to the hopped up jukes from al-Qaeda, planes headed for the US, the killing of everybody aboard, the re-wrecking of the airline industry, screwing up the financial markets, fooling with the energy markets, putting the kibosh on trade, throwing a wrench into everybody's summer plans, making John Kerry and his boffins look like buffoons, and the rest.
and all we get from the left side of the aisle is milk cans full of silence. I mean you can open a can of peas and get more noise when you break the vacuum seal in the old GE electric opener — that is if we still have electricity as long as the Code Pink molly coddlers allow al-Qaeda free run of the place with the open borders and shaking down gramma at the airport with her pince nez, carpet bag, and Enna Jettick shoes.
Yep, she remains the danger, especially in lieu of the latest group of suspects and their strange relation to that proverbial e-mail which is again making the rounds, which has something to do with those 40 horrific terror attacks and Middle Eastern males between 17 and 45.
and Harry Reid, John Kerry, Nancy Pelosi and Ted Kennedy kicked off the phonathon looking for just the right kind of sand — good, progressive, liberal, tax payer funded, third world dictator donated, dug from pristine beaches courtesy of the labor of serfs and peasants who were nurtured by a state run health care system and visited by John Conyers before they were shot, clucked over by the New York Times in "honest" editorials, places whose tribal laws have been studied by Justice Kennedy for use in affirming the seizure of our personal property by recognized street gangs and lawless local governments in america, and praised by Howard Zinn and his old Marxist pal in the people's saddle, Murray Levin, in numerous Democratic tracts and pamphlets.
Then Rep. Harold Ford of Tennessee, who had painfully, torpidly, and systematically explained on Fox News, shortly after the mass arrests in England, the penultimate importance of the need for port security in view of the narrowly averted air calamity and the immense need to implement all of the sainted recommendations of the 9/11 Commission before the legions of the poor and thrice widowed women are made to suffer again, also joined the phone bank and asked for sand shipped in properly sealed containers, from approved ports, with signed letters from Jamie Gorelick attached.
and just what is sand to be used for? For beach blanket bingo? Oh, no.
This huge amount of sand is to be piled in Democratic Congressional offices, in their aisles, in their homes and yachts, on their lawns, on their patios, around their swimming pools, in their kitchens and rumpus rooms, in their private planes, in their bedrooms, and above all in their conference rooms.
This sand - pleasant in nature, texture, and smell, pure in color, which possesses insulating and sound deadening properties - will keep the anti-war crowd, the far left, the cut and run crowd, the outright appeasers, the dictator worshippers, the new base of the Democratic Party, the up and coming Ned Lamonts, Honest John Murtha, the entire Clinton crowd (Bill and Hillary Clinton, Sandy Burglar, Madeleine albright, Wes Clark, Harold Ickes, and the other hangers on and coat holders), Mr. Barack Obama, the Democratic leaders, the vicious and spiteful bloggers, and George Soros — insulated from the real threats facing america today, from the screams of her dying citizens, and from seeing that final fatal vision of the terrorists coming to kill them.
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