By John Burtis
Wednesday, September 6, 2006
You can begin to see why the Democrats are going so ga-ga over ahmadinejad, the mullahs, and the Iranians lately. Because it's becoming pretty obvious that the boyos in Tehran are relying a lot more on focus groups lately, a key Democratic weapon.
We all remember Bill Clinton and his use of focus groups. Man oh man, they decided everything for the boy President, from his underwear type to his hairdo; from his shirt color to his shoes. Then the groups got into Hillary's duds. Then they determined the depth of Bill's drawl and the pronouncement of his swagger. But things went a bit too far when these groups of assembled Democrats began to determine foreign policy and the number of bombs a B-52 would carry in a raid on the terror camps, if the same focus group allowed one.
But Islamic focus groups, under the less tender heels of the mystic mullahs, don't have as much sway as Bill Clinton did in determining overall governmental policy, sports clothing, armaments, the targeting for terror raids, military systems selection, budgeting, the overall mix of weapons to be found on classes of naval vessels, and the type of nuclear weapons being designed.
But the mullahs and Mr. ahmadinejad do allow the struggling groups some level of input and they've begun to listen to their suggestions.
First of all, just look at their amazing use of flowers. They're everywhere. There are piles of flowers at every meeting. There are huge bouquets of flowers in front of every podium whenever Brother ahmadinejad launches into some long winded, anti-Semitic jeremiad or a scalding vituperation directed at anyone doubting the prescient holy words of Jimmy Carter. There are more flowers around the Tehran interior shots than there are at a Mafia funeral.
and there were big batches of flowers greeting the recent arrival of that emotive Flying Dutchman, Kofi annan, when he sashayed into town, expecting the whole crowd of hard core Islamists to bend over backwards for him, toss in one of their brilliantly clean white towels, and backtrack on their plans for both nuclear bombs and the eventual hydrogen weapon.
and Kofi could hardly swing his own focus group-approved top-coat without a sleeve or two striking a fresh bouquet of orchids in a cut glass vase.
However, this vast use of colorful flowers has served to show the theocrats in their best light, with the myriad of colorful petals lending a peaceful floral note to the machinations accompanying the strident calls for Israel's destruction, the bombast surrounding the claims that the Holocaust is a hoax, and Mr. ahmadinejad's demands for free, immediate, and unlimited admission to the nuclear fan club.
Flowers are hip and the Iranian focus groups know it, and it's working. Just look at the fawning looks and words from Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi and their rush to curry favor with the atom starved mullahs.
In addition to the flowers angle, the focus groups have finally gotten the mullahs to listen to them on the old microphone trick.
Just look at the number of the microphones in front of Mr. admadinejad when he speaks or when Mr. annan spoke in Iran. There were about a million of them arrayed before the podium.
There were microphones with monikers on them from places and in languages that you can't make out or have never seen before, mikes with zany trademarks, mikes with multi-colored tags on them, enormous wads of microphones, great seething clumps of microphones, so many microphones that without a brightly colored tie the guy doing the talking can get lost behind the Trix colored, foam topped knobs.
and leading from the mikes is a complicated spaghetti of entangled cables resembling the roots of a strangler fig, ready, it seems, to ensnare a passer by.
But all these microphones, as selected by the focus groups as a necessary part of the Iranian show, done to surpass those offered by the american and British media, demonstrate that the once backward country is broadcasting the smallest of pronouncements to a veritable plethora of media feeds. They're sending it to all those small media outlets as well as big media, drive by media, Muslim, Islamist, or otherwise, right from the podium where the wise ones speak. and it goes around the world and up to the satellites and into everybody's homes.
Nope, the gazillion mikes are done well and have served to show that Iran has stepped out of the single mike age and into the media epoch.
So, there you have it. The focus group, that old Democratic tool for worldwide success, has been adapted by the Iranian mullahs and they've scored big in their first applications with the flowers and the microphones.
and doggone it, the new one-two is working.
You know, the Taliban could've used some big, fresh spring bouquets out there on that dusty infield during half-time at those soccer games where they used to shoot those long lines of apostates. a whole lot of flowers would've gone a long way in softening their image in those grainy films coming out of afghanistan during those placid days of their beneficial reign.
But I'll bet you, dollars to donuts, that Mr. S. Rahmatullah Hashemi has noticed these two activities and he'll keep them in mind when he journeys back to the surviving Taliban when his Eli days wind down.
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