By John Burtis
Friday, September 22, 2006
Now that the Yankees have clinched, Ralph "Bucky" Williams has been run to ground, and the latest baby snatcher has been ratted out, we can get down to business with this whole Shari'a law business.
Beyond John McCain's supine groveling before the terrorists and his sad, sorry embrace of the whole thing for garnering a few sour political points with the boyos at CaIR, the wanted killers in al-Qaeda, and the lunatics running with MoveOn.Org, it's time for us sane working folk to start looking at the finer print in Shari'a to corral the maniacs.
Ever since the idiots on the Senate judiciary committee starting packing the Supreme Court with the likes of Ruth Bader Ginsburg and that one man sleeper cell, David Souter, the crooks have never had it so good.
and when you toss those blindly progressive poofters from the 9th Circuit into this heady mix, where the so called honor among thieves is exalted above that evinced by the hard working honest folk, we have a highly flammable mixture which is totally inimical to the sensible mores of our citizenry.
Especially those releases on personal recognizance, week ends for murder, ridiculously low bail, early release programs, good time add ups, lifer clubs, lobster tail dinners for X-Mas -- remember church and state and their separation -- the life of riley for the guys sentenced to death, endless appeals, doctors bowing out of executions because of the "pain" inflicted by the "process," and oh, the humanity.
But, after looking this whole tawdry affair over, it looks like Shari'a law is just the thing we need.
Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not advocating an out and out adaptation of Mohammedanism. Oh, no, my broken back wouldn't take all the bowing and the bathroom angle isn't my cup of Darjeeling, either. Plus the female garb stuff isn't what I'm looking for. I'm sort of a Lily Pulitzer guy with a good dose of Ben Silver duds tossed in for fall and winter.
But still, there are some good doggone elements of that tried and true Shari'a business that would serve to put the criminals back behind the eight ball where they belong.
Take the shooting of a load of convicts at half-time during a football game. This would be a lot better attention grabber than a Janet Jackson shirt problem, and it would send a clear message to every guy and gal that have dodged america's Most Wanted, the FBI, the LaPD, and have escaped notice in our well lit post offices exactly what awaits them on capture -- Rule 223 -- the caliber of the weapons to be employed in their demise.
Say, how about beheading of the folks caught in these baby kidnapping capers? These bloody deals could be shown in their grainy magnificence on television right after a terminally perky Katie Couric finished interviewing some glittering jamoke with that canned picture of the Hollywood sign in the background about how she heard that Tom Cruise made fun of another weak willed, lily-livered down and outer with an Oxycontin habit for being a sissy.
We've all seen those crazy car chases on TV, which always seem to interrupt a really neat fictional cop show with good looking people involved in a preposterous plot.
You know the ones, where a nut drives a tank, or a dump truck, or a pick up, at about 95 miles an hour through side streets until he t-bones an auto full of children and the cops chase him for a few blocks and finally wrestle him down.
Well, he could be pulled, in cuffs, right from the scene to a group of incensed parents and be immediately stoned, with the cops bringing in loads of cobble rocks for the hopped up town's folk to rifle into the errant mutt. and the whole episode will be filmed from the hovering news choppers.
Boy, this whole Shari'a law bidness could be a real godsend, God willing, on the criminal angle. The jails would thin out. The folderol on the executions and faint hearted doctors would blow over. and the crooks would come to realize that getting caught for a violent crime would have some real penalties attached to it.
Of course, we'd have to keep an eye on some of the other more raucous bits of the Muslim edicts like the stonings for adultery because we wouldn't want our most popular side-splitting entertainers like Bill Clinton snuffed out. But a good hootenanny over the details with the bright lights like Senator Spector and Teddy Kennedy will iron out the details.
and, of course, there'd have to be no torture involved to get John "article 3" McCain to sign on. No loud music or whippings prior to the final fatal act of contrition.
But John'll come around when he's assured that political advantage is part and parcel of its acceptance. He'd do anything for some TV face time, a blurb or two in the NY Times, a favorable mention in North Korea, and a note of thanks from Hugo Chavez.
Nope, it looks like Shari'a is the way to go when handling all the violent hoodlums on the loose in america today.
Of course the Democrats would have to make a few sacrifices, though. They'd have to toss their hopes for a mass influx of felons being added to the voting rolls into the dumpster and cast a more jaundiced eye towards Harry Reid's idea to include those thousands of wanted Mexican lamisters in his offerings for a deal on border "security."
But in the end, these last few items might not be a bad thing.
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