By John Burtis
Thursday, November 2, 2006
Suddenly, in a vain hope to recapture his lost momentum, hoping to catapault himself back to the front of the new Democratic legions clawing their way toward the presidency, and hoping against hope to tell the remainder of that off color joke the Boston Globe now claims to have in their storied post-fictional possession, John Kerry bellowed for a further three minutes on Tuesday.
John “Live Shot” Kerry, who used to push those less well physically endowed out of the way, and sometimes trampling them, in order to hog any available camera when strutting the streets of Boston, had to seize an empty podium once more in order to wave the bloody shirt.
Getting off to a poor start, where he knocked over a microphone, lost a degree of slack in a starched cuff, then had to straighten a club tie after realizing he was wearing socks of different colors, the storied senator began what appeared to be the cheek puffing tooth rattling diatribe of his life directed at President Bush in a go at setting his latest foreshortened record straight.
and it appeared that the junior senator from Massachusetts was living up to his latest self billing as a wanton brutal pugilist, who had so recently claimed to be fighting everyone he could quickly think of who might be perceived as an opponent, a sworn enemy, serve as a member of the Republican attack machine, or threaten to keep a felon incarcerated more than a minute past his good time release date, all for the new Democrats.
But as the hulking, hirsute, waffling Massachusetts man continued his increasingly gagged up monologue with his ever more crazed attributions directed at the President, while crazily testifying that his previous Pasadena madness was merely a misunderstood joke and demanding that we believe his spew of tommyrot, even as he can clearly be seen generating laughs from the angelides crowd in the perpetual re-runs, loud guffaws can be heard issuing from the White House.
Gales of side splitting laughter are emanating from Mr. Karl Rove's office because his counterintelligence coup had worked to perfection
Mr. Rove, it has been rumored, under the direction of Dick Cheney, has just engineered one of the greatest switcheroos in modern politics and it all went unnoticed by the harebrained toffs and fetchers in the Kerry traveling squad. You know, all those boyos who track, wait on, and cater to that manfully attired heavy cruiser of a one time Vietnamese delta hero who carries his anti-Swift boat information and his cap with him at all times to ward off the bad ju-ju beamed at him by the men with the rows of real ribbons.
So, as Mr. Kerry hung his suit coat on his beloved wooden valet, a Republican answer to an outrageously critical Clinton speech, which had been suitably hammed up for this critical occasion, was substituted for Mr. Kerry's long winded pontification on the reason's why Mr. Bush' cranium prevents him from envisioning, describing, and enacting the lofty tactile visions which clog Mr. Kerry's seething frontal lobes, as well as his mighty oblongata.
and not to be left out, and still smarting from the comments he had suffered from Mr. Kerry during the great hunting flap, it is also reported that Dick Whittington made a guest appearance in Seattle, to throw the local Democratic operatives off and keep their eagle eyes on him as he sported his sunglasses and his ready smile.
and so, as John Kerry made his way to the microphone, and slowly, gravely, ponderously unfolded his red hot screed, with which he had every reason to anticipate the fall of the House of Iraq, once they heard the full power of his momentous words, he was surprised that nothing of note happened as he read.
The White House remained standing. President Bush didn't flee. Dick Cheney remained in his office, calmly playing whist with his staff. There were no trumpets of Jericho. Even the Democrats were silent in the face of it all, save for the typical hopped up blather on the Daily Kos and similar mewling by Matthews, Stewart, David Gregory, and the faithful on MSNBC and CNN, who read the Party manifestos with such verve and gusto.
But strangely enough, the speech seemed like it was written for someone else. If one substituted Bill Clinton's name for that of the dreaded Bush, one could almost swear it was written by a Republican to slander the beloved first black President.
and then, on his way back to the safety of a Washington seclusion, in what many with a modicum of sense call disgrace, John Kerry received a hurried phone call from a key Democratic operative who was leaking information gleaned from a top source at the CIa – a seething hotbed of Bill Clinton's shadow government.
The speech, John Kerry's fiery take no prisoners speech, was a knock off of a pretty good copy of a Dick Cheney retort to Bill Clinton, which had lain unused for many years in an Executive Building Vault, but had been resurrected, dusted off, cleaned up, re-bored, and slid into Johnny Boy's coat pocket, where it had been glommed onto with patrician mitts. His real speech had, of course, been chucked into a dumpster.
Thus, Mr. Kerry read an old Republican speech, no applause went up from the new Democrats, the White House didn't crumble, John's agony continues, his written apology carries no water, the troops are laughing at him, his hopes for 2008 are fading, Hillary is joining Karl Rove in chuckling, George Bush continues on the stump, the war against terror continues, and the Republican base, the weak link, is growing stronger thanks to Mr. Kerry and Mr. Rove...
Pursuant to Title 17 U.S.C. 107, other copyrighted work is provided for educational purposes, research, critical comment, or debate without profit or payment. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for your own purposes beyond the 'fair use' exception, you must obtain permission from the copyright owner. Views are those of authors and not necessarily those of Canada Free Press. Content is Copyright 1997-2024 the individual authors. Site Copyright 1997-2024 Canada Free Press.Com Privacy Statement